My Love Knot

Divine Romance

2011-04-21T18:13:00.003-05:00

For you I sing I dance!!!!!

Gods splendor and grace is an amazing gift that we receive each and every day. Tho times may not be the best and we may be tested in our faith....He is there for us ALL each and everyday!!!

Lately life has not been easy for me. I often feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster ride. I have always known that life wouldn't be a piece of cake. In fact with my personal experiences I have known that trials and tribulations will always come upon us. I never knew the extent tho to how far deep down within yourself you will have to travel to really learn. Learn about what truly matters in life.

Months ago, I went to God and asked Him to transform Me. I knew that I was headed toward an uphill battle against Satan. I wanted Him to help me become a better person, one full of His glory and grace. For His light to shine through me to fight off the enemy when ever he attacks. I can see how God has been here every step of the way being my teacher. He is helping me when I didn't even know He was here. I know I have become someone different than I was months ago. Its truly amazing to feel the overwhelming sense of peace my life has taken on.

Don't get me wrong....like I mentioned before, my emotions have been a roller coaster. But I know its been a healthy ride. For we are only human right? But I do know that having faith and believing in Him will help me win the battle I am facing right now. I have been in search of a job....and its been a hard search and sometimes blow to the ego. But I do know that He has a plan for me, and the right job will be there.....God is just helping me while I wait for it to become present. I know that I will need to find a new place to live (not that I want to) but those anxiety fears have not creeped up. I know He will take care of me.

So even during this storm I'm fighting....I continue to have Faith. I believe! I raise my hands and I sing I dance!

While Im Waiting

2011-03-05T19:07:00.001-06:00

Its heartbreaking to know that what I feel today is how the Lord felt when He was waiting for me.

Waiting

2011-03-05T18:48:00.002-06:00

As you lean into God sometimes it seems like the whole world is either passing you by or falling apart all around you. You are changing. You are being transformed. The other people around you don't look the same no more. Your priorities change. Your outlook changes. Life becomes more difficult. Its so hard to comprehend at times why God wants life to be like this. But its not God that is doing it. He wants you to be taken care of. He wants you to be blessed and cherished and nurtured. He only wants whats best for you. To be able to truly SEE what He has in store for you...you sometimes have to go thru the difficult times to become a better person.

I know I am a good person. I know I am a good willed person. I am Gods daughter and he will never forsake me. I trust that He knows what He is doing for me on this journey. As frustrating and hurtful that it is at times. There is a reason for all of this. Satan is telling me that I can fix this. I KNOW that I cant fix it. I have to surrender it all over to the Lord and allow Him to show me what I need to see.

Why is it taking so long? What am I not seeing? Patience is a hard lesson to learn isn't it? Hitting the fast forward button would seem so easy. I know that I am different now. I know that I am someone I wasn't 3 months ago. With Gods love and my prayers to Him...He will provide what I need.

If you can pray for me to seek clarity and direction and continued transformation. For a peaceful heart and a calm mind. For His direction to be shown to me and answers to be answered. If you can pray for my husband and his health and well being. For his heart and mind to be made new by the power of our Father. For him to be open to change not only within himself, but in our marriage. If you can pray for my children that they receive and feel the unconditional love that they so willingly deserve to experience each and every day. For them to know what their Heavenly Father will do for them always. Pray that if He wants me to get a job...that one will open up for me. If He wants me to have a different residency..that one will be shown to me. I am at a loss right now. Don't know which direction my life is headed. I'm having faith and trust as hard as it is.

I really just wanna smile and laugh again.

Suffering

2011-02-16T18:52:00.003-06:00

After reviewing today, I had a good day, lots to be thankful for. I had a great talk with an awesome friend from far away this morning for an hour. Then had a much needed lesson at my woman's bible study today. Finally had a great lunch with my mom and that was a much needed break from everyday reality. Oh and cant forget the beautiful weather that we had today...car read 55 degrees. I actually opened the sunroof and took in the amazing weather.

As I said before, I really enjoyed my lesson at my study today. We are starting the study on II Corinthians. I know that I'm going to get alot out of this book in the Bible. We are learning about Paul's writings and how even though he had one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad times....he still knew that the Lord had good things planned for him.

It was enlightening to learn that even tho we are hard pressed on every side.....we are not crushed. Even tho we can be perplexed....we are not in despair. Even if we feel persecuted, we are never abandoned. When we are struck down we are not destroyed. And when we are under great pressure, we are despaired even of life.

Paul teaches us how to respond to suffering by letting God comfort us. For He is the Father of compassion, the God of All comfort. He lives with you and will be in you always. Go to the word of God and he will comfort you. We must also rely on His grace and allow Him to renew you day by day. For when we struggle we tend to focus on the struggles. We can not do that. I love the quote that mentor Patty said....worrying chokes out the Word....but the Word chokes out the worries.

"Sometimes you just have to sit and dwell on His grace, warm yourself in His comfort and fix your eyes on eternity!"

To 40 and beyond

2011-02-15T09:13:00.003-06:00

So Ive been a bit scatter brained and havent updated the blog for days 31-40....for that I apologize. Life has just been a bit rough and slow. What Ive learnt is that Life is Hard. I think we all know that, just we dont verbalize it very often. Its hard. Its Hard. Its Very Hard. Some times when nothing is going on we often find ourselves that much more confused and lost. Its like we need to be in constant motion to get to something but when its not we are often lost. I think Im to a point where I am just numb. So let me break down in short cliff notes the dare days.

Day 31: Love and marriage
Basically reassure your spouse that you make your marriage a top priority. That even tho your going through hard times...that you wont give up. That you wont leave. That this is whats important to you.

Day 32: Love meets sexual needs
If at all possible try and initiate sex. Yeah that was a tough one. Nothing like the feeling of being shot down.

Day 33: Love completes each other
Basically allow your spouse to be a integral part to your future success. Include them in upcoming decisions. Yeah I did....and he never gave an answer...another day of being shot down.

Day 34: Love celebrates Godliness
Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way..then tell them about it. Hmmm...that was a very hard one to do since I feel that he hasnt been acting in that manner...but who am I to judge. I complimented him on something...but cant remember now.

Day 35: Love is accountable
Find a marriage mentor and even if your spouse wont go and talk with them...make sure you do it for yourself. Which I have a email in to talk to my pastors wife...she is out of town till this week so hopefully I can get in to talk with her soon.

Day 36: Love is Gods word
Commit to reading the Bible every day. Im trying, its hard sometimes...but its just like a habit...you gotta practice at it and make it happen. I do know tho that putting the food of the Lord in me will only make me stronger.

Day 37: Love agrees in Prayer
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together...if they wont then make sure you do it on your own. Hes not at that place....I continue everyday.

Day 38: Love fullfills dreams
Ask yourself what your spouse would want if it was obtainable. Commit to praying about it and start mapping out a plan for meeting some if not all of their desires. Ive tried on one thing and gave him something to think about.

Day 39: Love endures
Pray and then write a letter of commitment to your spouse about why you are committing to this marriage till death and that you have purposed to love them till death. I wrote a letter....I got a thank you.

Day 40: Love is a covenant
Write out a renewal of vows and place them in your home. If at all possible formally renew your vows before a minister and with family present. At this point it takes two to do that. I can hold up my end...but cant hold up his end.

The book ends at day 40....Im at day 43. I didnt get a Happy anything...words...nothing..said to me yesterday on Valentines day. Im a bit hurt by the fact that I cant even be treated like a regular human being. Today I have been short and quiet with him....yet now that is making him want to talk to me more...but I dont have the oh happiness to talk with him at this moment....maybe thats why he keeps bugging me.

Im sorry that this isnt an upbeat blog. Just one of those days. Very depressed.

Gotta run to an apptment...will update later

Updated Thoughts

2011-02-07T15:54:00.003-06:00

I know I need to catch up with my Day 31-33 posts...but I just felt like writing down stuff that is running through my head. I kinda feel a bit deflated at the moment and a bit run down. I really am trying to stay strong and positive, just over this past weekend it really has turned out hard to have the feelings to do that.

Friday night my husband and I had another discussion, and he came out and said that he still loves me but is not in love with me. He can not show me any loving and kind emotions if he doesn't feel it. The hard part of it all is that he can show kind and loving emotions to all his friends and their wives...yet its like he wont even give me the time of day or even the courtesy of how you nicely treat a friend. I feel so left out. I feel so hurt. I feel so belittled. Its very hard to sit around these situations and have it like rubbed into my face. None of our friends treat me as badly as he treats me. They are all very kind and loving and nice to me. Not the case with him. Even some of his friends see it and are concerned for me.

I know its not me that is doing this to him. I know its his disease that he has. I'm just getting really tired of of being in a relationship where there is no equal. Where I don't matter. Where I'm not loved any more. Where my boys are not even getting the love and conversations that they used to get from their step father. I'm soo tired and hurt by all this. It seems so unfair. I guess I keep remembering how he used to be and how nice and kind and loving he always was. He has just done a 180 in a different direction, and I feel like hes pushing us all away. Replacing us with friends. He is constantly always going over to one friends house in particular. I feel bad for their family life as well. Because I see what their family life was like before and how its changed for them too. This disease can take away so much from someone.

I don't know what to do any more. I wish I could see the map that God has laid out for me. I really want to get to the happy X on the treasure map of life. I probably need to start taking the steps I need to take in case I'm going to be a single mom again. I need to find a job that I can handle with taking care of the boys by myself. Because I know I wont be able to count on him...and I shouldn't if he has told me hes done. Plus really how reliable is he with this disease too? Man its all so frustrating and heart breaking. I just want to cry and cry and cry.

I'm sorry if this came across as a pity party post...I am just having one of those days. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Day 30: Love Brings Unity

2011-02-03T18:37:00.002-06:00

Unity. Togetherness. Oneness.

Today's reading was leaning on the unity of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit....how being united they all work together...being unbreakable. I'm still trying to soak in this lesson and still trying to comprehend it. I'm kinda at a loss for words on this one. But the Dare for today is: Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

So I kinda get it, but kinda don't. I can pick up on things that do separate us in our marriage..and I will pray about it. I will ask God to show me where I may not be united even in my relationships with others. For my goal is to be the best me I can be....and even if my marriage doesn't make it...I do want my relationships with my family and friends to be the best they can be. I just want to live the best life I can live. I just want to be me. I don't want to feel guilty for feeling things and acting certain ways. If I know that I am doing my very best...that's all the matters. I will take compassion on those that feel or think otherwise...but if I know that I am doing what God wants me to do then that's all the really matters. Living our best life is what its all about right?

I'm sorry that I'm lost on this lesson...I will pray about it more. I'm open to any lessons that God is speaking on your heart to tell me. :)

Day 29: Loves Motivation

2011-02-02T16:53:00.002-06:00

Today's Dare says: Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I love you:, then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person-unconditionally, the way He love both of you.

With that being said and reading over the literature....what spoke out to me the most was how our attitudes seem to affect our motivations to love. I know that this has been present in our relationship where when one person is in a bad mood...the other tends to feed off of it and now we are both in bad attitudes. When one is in a good mood..we both seem to be in a good mood. Oh the cycle of our bad selves LOL. What Ive learnt from this and past experiences is that I don't need to take things so personally. When he comes in with a bad mood...its not all about me. I need to listen and understand. Show compassion...but when I know I didn't cause him the pain...don't take it that way. I don't need to battle back...but just love him....just as the Lord loves us unconditionally. As quoted in the book..."Love that has God as its primary focus is unlimited in the heights it can attain."

So I'm motivated to live my life for me...for what I feel, for what I know. Lean on God to help me along this path. My life does not revolve around my husband and what he feels....but I will take his feelings into consideration. I will listen and show compassion. But just cuz he is acting one way doesn't mean I need to follow suit. I am my own person. I am not him. Two great people encouraged me today and both said...to not live my life for him...live my life for me...Please God, don't worry about pleasing him. It will all fall into place with Gods hands and help.

Day 26-28

2011-02-02T16:17:00.002-06:00

On to Day 26: Love is Responsible

I am learning about taking personal responsibility. Lots of times we are really quick to see and point out other peoples flaws and mistakes. We are sometimes are so quick to find fault especially with our spouses. Heck they are the easiest to blame because we think they should be one way or doing something that we think they should be doing. I'm guilty for this.....thinking that my views and ways are better or more correct than my husbands. And especially going through these tough times....I probably started off with its all about him...all about what he did wrong. Now I'm thinking more like...what did I do, what was my share of the downfall in this marriage. I know its not alllllll my fault. I'm learning that I need to take personal responsibility for my actions and behaviors. Love doesn't make excuses. Love keeps working to make a difference....in me and in my marriage.
This doesn't mean I am a doormat and I should surrender all to him...and make it his way or no way. Ive learnt that if there is something that's not right between me and God or me and my husband, then that should be first priority. I am learning to swallow my pride, admit my mistakes and seek for forgiveness.

Day 27: Love Encourages
Today's Dare was to eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in my home. Think of an area where my husband has told me that I'm expecting too much and tell him I'm sorry. Assure him of my unconditional love.

I know that this kinda ties in with the personal responsibility as well. Sometimes we expect soo much from someone that they can not fill or meet those expectations. Sometimes we wanna make a big deal out of it and pick a huge fight over it. When in actuality we are all human. We know men and women are created differently. We all think differently. So instead of trying for find fault all the time...take on compassion and sincerity and even tho they didn't do it right, encourage them for at least trying. By encouraging them for the things they are doing, will only help our relationships grow and become better. It allows others to feel safe with us. I love this line in the book......."You must realize that marriage is a relationship to be enjoyed and savored along the way. Its a unique friendship designed by God Himself where two people live together in flawed imperfections but deal with it by encouraging each other, not discouraging them."

Great lesson to take in and absorb.

Day 28: Love makes Sacrifices
Ill make this lesson short and sweet. This is about what can we do to help our spouse. Its taking an interest in their wants and needs and acting on them without being asked. Its making them a priority in our lives. We would want the same in return right? Someones gotta make the first move.

Another line I liked from the book said " Even when your mates stress comes out in words of personal accusation, love shows compassion rather than becoming defensive. Love inspires you to say "no" to what you want, in order to say "yes" to what your spouse needs." That's the key...what they Need. To truly love we must make sacrifices to make sure our spouses needs are given with our very best effort.

I am trying my best to put all these lessons in to effect in my daily life. To really learn what Love is all about. I can feel myself changing inside and learning to be a better me. Believe me I still have my set backs from time to time....but with prayer and Gods hand on my shoulder I make it thru. Positive thinking and a changed attitude helps alot. As for anything on his behalf......I don't know. He hasn't talked any more about a divorce. He hasn't talked anymore about what is the next step to ending it. He has been nicer. He has actually called me Hon....and has smiled at me. He has been saying Thank you for alot more things that I have done. I could tell you the discouraging things that he has done...but then I wouldn't be putting my lessons into practice. LOL ;) But with prayer it helps me get thru those discouraging times. I am learning that God is not doing this to me...He is doing this for me. So when I get discouraged or down....I try to remember that there is a good reason that this situation is going on. Now that fix it part of me really wants to come out....but that was the other Stefani. This Stefani knows that I cant fix this. I can fix myself. I can lean on my Heavenly Father and he will provide an amazing life for me. For in the end....we can only be held accountable for ourselves in front of God. So whatever discouraging things my husband may do....I turn it over to God and tell Him....Ok, do you see this....now you can take care of it!!! LOL

Day 24-25

2011-02-02T15:51:00.002-06:00

So I am not good on my daily updates now am I? I guess we do live in this crazy place called life and there are things that do consume our time. But just know, that God is really consuming my time these days...and oh the little bit of the new season of American Idol....LOL! Seems like Ive been taking a college course and He has been my teacher. Giving me daily homework assignments and lots and lots to think about. I definitely know that this is what I need to be doing now. Ive really made alot of self discoveries lately and even tho its been heart warming, its been kinda jarring as well. We don't really like to see the bad stuff in ourselves now do we?

So I had last left off that I was about to do Day 24 which was Love vs. Lust....It is all about learning that God truly does provide all that we need, and because we are only human we tend to get caught up in those worldly possessions and go on a roller coaster of wants and desires. We sometimes get fixated on all those things that we think will make us happy...and in turn do they really? When if we just have faith and believe that God will provide all our happiness for us we might not ever need to feel like keeping up with the Jones' or be entangled in debt. Sometimes lust comes in forms of possessions or power or prideful ambition.....right along with what you would typically think of lust as.....that lustful eye persay.

By taking on this lesson, Ive learnt that I am so grateful for what God has already provided for me in my life. Its really made me take a step back on why I buy certain things and and crave certain things. I certainly have always been aware of the demon of the lustful eye. I have never craved or even thought about that in my marriage. I love my husband way to much to even fathom those thoughts. My Dare was to Identify every object of lust in my life and remove it. Single out every lie Ive swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Replace all that with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

Day 25: Love Forgives
This lesson was whatever I haven't forgiven in my husband, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping my and my husband in a prison too long. This has been easy yet hard. When we dwell on what the other has done to us...we tend to get angry and frustrated. It may change our whole attitude in a matter of minutes if we continue to think about it. Does Jesus do that to us? Does he dwell on it, does he treat us badly? Does he give us an attitude? No! No matter how badly we treat him and take for granted what he has given us....He ALWAYS forgives us...no matter what...and continues to love us soo much! Learning about the true meaning of love has been so eye opening and heart warming. If I want to live a much more fulfilled life...I really need to take these lessons to heart and act on them each and every day! That's my ultimate goal right? To have a more loving and confident and peaceful life. Yes it is.

Day 19-23

2011-01-27T14:55:00.002-06:00

Eeek I let time get away and didn't get around to blogging about all these days. Oh well....life does go on. So the short cliff notes on what these days are about.....

19~ Love is Impossible.....I was suppose to look back over the previous dares and see if any were very hard to do and reflect on why. If so ask God for his strength and grace and where I stand with him.

20~ Love is Jesus Christ.....Dare to take God at His word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for his salvation. Really let Him into my life and hand everything over to him. Know that all things are possible if I truly believe in Him.

21~ Love is Satisfied in God....Be intentional about making time to pray. Really start a habit of picking up that Bible and leaning into His words. He does show his love and promises for us through His writing. By doing this will only make my walk Grow with Him.

22~ Love is Faithful....Learning Love is a choice not a feeling. I was dared to choose today to be committed to love even if my husband has lost most of his interest in receiving it. I let him know how much he means to me and how unconditional it is....no strings attached and no expectations. I let him know that even if he doesn't chose to love me in return...that my love for him will always be.

23~ Love always Protects.....So that leads up to today's lesson I'm learning about. Marriage is made up of many things that include happiness, sadness, great achievements and hard failures. We have so many influences in our day to day lives that we need to protect each other and ourselves from. Like watching too much TV, or spending too much time on the computer, working long hours taking away from family time. We really need to learn how to find that balance that will only allow our relationship to grow. We also need to make sure we keep our eyes on the road so to speak....opposite sex relationships can really undermine your marriage if your not careful and be on guard at all times. Satan will get you if he can and will weasel his way in those cracks if you are not careful.
We also need to protect our spouse by making sure we don't talk bad about them in public. Their secrets are our secrets and we must do everything possible to make sure them feel secure in our relationship so they will feel the love we have for them come out to its fullest. Love hides the faults of others. It covers their shame. Then we move onto parasites, which can latch on to either one of us and suck the life out of the marriage. So this is the part about addictions....we saw it in the movie Fireproof...where he was addicted to pornography. It says in the book that if you love your spouse, you must destroy any addiction that has your heart. If you don't, it will destroy you.
Man this really hit me on something that I never thought was an addiction.....but its been stealing my heart....I tend when I get something in my mind to really really dwell and obsess about it....it will take up my mind hours upon hours. I don't really know what you call this addiction...OCD?! But I do know that it is stealing the joy from me. I need to really pay attention to myself when these occasions arise. Learn that I need to stop and pray about it...and just hand it over to God. Then go about my business with something else. Everything will work out in Gods timing. He has a plan for everything. I just need to be strong and learn to trust. With each and everydays worth of practice it Will become easier and easier.

So this is where I'm at. Still ok. Still having faith. Still believing in the best outcome that God wants me to have. Its been kinda weird because Ive been in my own little world lately. Not really talking to many about this. Ive been really leaning into God this time. This is not anyone elses problem and I do not want to unload my crap on top of the crap that is going on in their lives. That is really not fair. Plus after the last weeks lessons....I really don't want to talk bad about my husband to anyone. He is my other half, and talking bad about him is talking bad about me. Its just not right. Yes he is not perfect...but I am not perfect either. If I truly want to learn what God is trying to teach me then I really need to listen to his lessons. I feel funny sometimes talking to myself, or listening to my voice inside my head reassuring me and cheering me on. But I know these are just conversations with God and its all good.

Well tomorrows lesson will be Love vs. Lust.....The world is passing aways, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. -1 John 2:17

Day 16-18

2011-01-22T15:27:00.002-06:00

Ahhh Love intercedes.....all about how you cannot change your spouse. Darn it...and I thought it was possible....just kidding. Yes this I do know. We can not change anyone but ourselves. Hence that is why I'm truly enjoying this Love Dare session. Knowing that in the end, the only thing that will be prettier will be who I become. Knowing that I am beautiful no matter what, inside and out. I am truly having faith that God is working his hands in me. I am his clay and he is molding me. I know I cant do this without him. Life is hard. Its no walk in the park. But with patience and kindness and prayer, I know that good things will happen for me.
I know that God is not my magic genie and will grant me all the wishes that I want. But he will give me all that I need to make my life the best it can be. Day 16s dare was to begin praying for my spouse. Pray for exactly what he needs, pray for his heart, pray for his attitude...etc. I know I cant change him....but maybe God can take the wheel and mold him into what he thinks he should be.

Love promotes intimacy. We all have friends and family that we are close with....but there is that total intimate closeness that we only get from our spouse. Who knows our deep dark secrets and guards them with their own heart. Its what happens when we marry. But it can be a double edged sword sometimes. They can either love us at depths we never imagined, or they can hurt us in ways that we may never full recover from. Its our job to make sure that we cherish their secrets and feelings like we would want ours to be treated. Make them feel safe and secure. I never thought of this analogy before....when we got married we took all of our spouses baggage into our life and they did the same for us. We all come with some type of baggage. But its our job to help them feel like they matter, that their baggage is safe with us. That we wont hurt them with what we know. God knows all of our secrets, yet he doesn't hold them over our heads waiting to torment us when we least expect it. No...he gathers us up each and every day and tells us that it will be ok. That we matter. That we are forgiven. So even tho we have done things to hurt our spouses, we must learn to take the steps to move forward and show love inspite of these issues. Listen to what is being said by them and truly feel, cherish and guard their feelings. Once again, do unto others as you would want done unto yourself. I'm really learning, Life is truly not all about me.

Love seeks to understand....today I'm learning that I need to study my husband. When we have an interest or a hobby we like, we tend to follow up on it, learn about it and practice at it. We did this when we were fresh into our relationship.....but somewhere along the way it kinda fizzled. We musta figured that hey..we are married now..we must know everything about each other. Well do we really? I guess obviously not if we have hit this point in our marriage. So I need to go back to school and really start to learn more about my husband. Start digging deeper with in him to really learn and understand Him!! If I want this marriage to work out and be the best it can possibly be...then I need to do my part. I know its not all on my shoulders to make it work. But if I can be a leader, a great example to him. If he can see that I am living more peacefully and lovingly...then he might want the same to. For that I pray for!!!

So anyways...sorry that I haven't updated on a daily basis...but I was having troubles finding words to write. Gods working in me...I know that. I'm still doing ok. Day by day, cherishing each and everyday and taking nothing for granted.

Day 15 Love is Honorable

2011-01-19T13:48:00.002-06:00

Today's Dare is learning about the word honor. To honor someone is to treat them as being special and of great worth. To be nice, understanding, and to really listen whole heartily when they speak. To be courteous and polite and respectful.

When I took my wedding vows I chose to honor my husband. I chose to treat him like he mattered and let him know that he matters. Sometimes day to day activities and situations attack us from all different angles and we tend to forget that little choice we made. We get caught up in what we are feeling and what matters to us. We become selfish. At one time when we were fresh in our relationship...it was quite easy to show him how much he mattered to me. Over time, I guess I let that priority slide. He did too. We are human. We are not perfect. But I can chose to regain that feeling. I can suck up my pride and be the first to make a move. If someone don't make the first move then who will. I'm learning that I need to let go of my stubborn pride. Let my pride reflect what Gods pride is. Live my life to show Gods presence in it.

As quoted in the book...."Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most. Of all the things I'm willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you. With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults-past and present-I still choose to love and honor you." That's how you lead your heart to truly love your mate again. And that's the beauty of honor.

I will be marinating on this lesson all day. Things that make you go hmmm??!! ;)

I hope that you are having a great day and that your life is being filled with lots of love and peace.

Day 12-14 Keep on loving

2011-01-19T13:13:00.002-06:00

Day 12: Love lets the other win

Day 13: Love fights fair

Day 14: Love takes delight

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday has all seemed so eerily calm given the circumstances of the past few weeks. Almost a sense of peace has fallen upon our house. Its hard to explain, but I feel God is working behind the scenes right at the moment. Sometimes its good to just sit back and allow God to do the dirty work. That is what he is there for right? I truly know that I can not fix this storm, but I do know that he will not forsake me or leave me. He is my Heavenly Father and does not want to see me suffer. So with this sense of peace I'm chalking it up to him taking care of me. My mind has almost bit the dust and needs a break. I'm tired of thinking and wondering and worrying. Ive turned it over to Him to do. Seems a bit strange because I'm so used to trying my best to fix everything. I always wanted to be in control of my life. Now...I'm not, and it feels strange. Not a bad strange tho. Just different.

So for my dares these past few days Ive learnt alot about how in control I always seemed to come across. For love lets the other win.....oh boy, was that a doozy to realize. I always felt that I had to defend myself or my way was the best way and no one could try and change my mind. How selfish of me right?! I know!!! Ive realized that sometimes you just got to let the small stuff go. No two people are alike, and we must pick our battles wisely. Sometimes its best not to say anything at all. Doesn't mean the other one is right, it just means why sweat the small stuff that really isn't gonna make a difference 5 to 10 years from now. It means putting your partners feelings at the top of the list. Wouldn't I want the same respect in return. It was really learning how to fight fair. Knowing that I need to really listen before speaking. Absorb what he may be feeling. Just because he has opinions doesn't necessarily mean I have to agree...but we are each unique and different so I need to embrace that. Just as each one of my friends and family members are different and unique...so is my husband. Just because we got married doesnt mean we need to be the exactly the same. If we were what would be the use then?

Which leads to Love takes delight....by really putting my husbands thoughts and feelings into consideration...Im really learning to choose to love him rather than just feel love for him. When I make that choice Im opening my eyes wider. Not living so blinded by false ideas. Learning that true love is more powerful and rewarding when everything is laid out on the table. We are all in control of our choices and feelings. We can choose to let something bother us and eat at us, or we can choose to snip the problem right in the bud by looking at each circumstance with our eyes wide open. Its not all about me. Im learning that.

Day 11 Love Cherishes

2011-01-15T14:35:00.004-06:00

Answering him, Jesus said "What do you want Me to do for you?" (Mark 10:51)

Today's Love Dare says... What does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or a foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says "I Cherish You" and do it with a smile.

Learning that I need to give this marriage the time and space that it needs to grow and heal, I gave him the space he needed last night. He went off and did what he felt he needed in his life and I breathed in the sweet breath of my children. I went and had a dinner date with them and just really enjoyed their company. We later went and hung out with my sweet cousin and just enjoyed each others company.

I'm really learning that each day is a gift presented to us and I'm learning to not take things for granted. Trying to really live in each and every moment and let God work his hand in all that he needs to do.

Today's Dare I offered up a haircut for my husband. Even tho he didn't want to inconvenience me, I made him aware that I would be more than happy to do this for him. Today's been pleasant and I have been walking around with more smiles.....not because of him, but because of who I am becoming. Sometimes smiles can be contagious....as someone sweet told me. That's a free gift I can give others as well.

I really don't know what else to write...but know that I am ok. This marathon of life is going slow and steady...but that's the way one succeeds in it right?!

Day 10 Love is Unconditional

2011-01-14T12:15:00.002-06:00

So today started out having a pity party for me. I had a quick set back with the tears and the why Me's? Life just felt so overwhelming and unbearable. But after taking a couple hours to just cry it out and let it out. God picked up my hand and comforted me and talked me through it. Stupid Satan was trying his best to get his grips on me when I least expected it. If you let your guard down for just one second he can swoop in there and try and tempt you with ugly, crazy thoughts. Which I know are not true. Which I know are just lies!!!! So I picked up my big girl pants and am moving on. I will not let him get to me the rest of the day.

Today's lesson on unconditional love couldn't come at a better moment. After last nights talk...I thought for a fleeting second that there could be hope on the horizon. That maybe his walls were starting to come down. But to be woken this morning to be told that he still feels nothing and still wants it over, really hit me in the face. As I stood in the shower and tried to wash away the morning battle with Satan...God spoke to me. God told me that what my husband is going through is not about me. He has issues much deeper than whats been laid out on the surface, and I can not fix it for him. This is about him and he is and will be the only one that will be able to work thru what he needs to work thru. I need to let go and let God work with him. I can and will still be there for him when hes ready. I can continue to work on myself and my marriage thru doing these Love Dares. Because the most important thing that I am learning from all this....is what I need to learn about me. To make me the best Me I can possibly be......and not for anyone else.

I will continue to pray for my husband. I pray that he can find that missing piece deep down within himself that he is so lost at trying to find. I pray that he will turn to God and lean on him during his time of sorrow and dispare. For I love my husband so deeply that words can not explain. I do know that loving someone so much can not fix everything. I do know that we all are not perfect....for we are merely human.

Taking this time and learning Gods unconditional love that he has for me will give me the opportunity to see his love grow inside me. For once I can truly comprehend his deep unconditional love and totally receive it, then I can in turn share it. How great would it be to have that whole feeling of being loved with no strings attached. Ive searched for it all my life, yet I seemed to by pass the one being that was always there, always willing to give it to me. I just needed to look up.

Today's Dare is to do something out of the ordinary for your spouse-something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage. Examples were wash the car, clean the kitchen, buy his favorite dessert, fold the laundry......well I do those most of the time so I went a totally different off the wall approach....call me silly, but hey....it still means I care. I went and bought the best windshield wipers the store sold. I noticed that when driving his truck that his didn't do a very good job, and don't let there be ice/snow on them...oy vey!! I know its something that he would eventually fix...maybe come spring after he got so tired of it or he just so happened to see them at the store and be reminded of them. I would of normally gone the middle of the road price range because..hey they are just wiper blades LOL. But as I was standing there, I thought how much he deserves to have the best. So I didn't think twice and I just picked up the top of the line. I went to where he parks during the day and just dropped them off in his truck.

Learning to love unconditionally seems like an easy task....but the more you think about things....how often do we really love like that. I know it comes easily to me with my boys. Must be because I birthed them. That pain that we felt when we delivered them and just how quickly it fades away. That's the same for when they do something wrong...our quick get over it and carry on is just the same. But why is it totally different to react and try and get over what others do. God has no problem doing that. He is always loving and forgiving us.

Day 9 Love makes good impressions....

2011-01-13T11:54:00.004-06:00

Helloooooooo!!!!!! :0)

Ahhh...by reading the title...I'm sure you can imagine what today's Dare is going to be about. Today I must think of a specific way I'd like to greet him. I must do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change my greeting to reflect my love for him.

It takes me back and makes me remember how when we were fresh into our relationship and how wonderful it was to see each other after being separated for however long during the day. There was always that sense of peace and calmness. Such love poured out from one another and let each other know how important we were to each other. How just coming home and being together made everything alright. Then as time went on, that sense faded. I don't know why it faded....but now I know that it was wrong to let it fade. We let everyday life get in between what was most important to us. I let the actions of what I felt thru the day rub off on my greeting to him. He did the same as well. We are both guilty of this matter. I think we may not be the only couple in the sea that has done this.

I do know tho....that I am making that conscience effort to change that behavior in me....and not only with him...but also with my children, family, friends etc. If I can go to Jazzercise or the grocery store and be completely nice and loving towards complete strangers....why in the world cant I do it to those that matter the most to me. I guess it really does all fall back on to....Do unto others as you would want done unto yourself. I need to stop waiting to see the change and just get off my high horse and make the change myself. If those that encounter me see me with a smile, with a beautiful greeting it might just might make a slight improvement to their day. What better gift can I give to those by helping improve their day. And it don't cost no money. I know when I'm around those the lift me up unconditionally, it really helps me. Its my time to pay it all back.

Soooo.......Hey there!!!! How are YOU doing today? I really hope that you are having a wonderful day....because YOU deserve it!!!!! Huge Hugs!!!!

oh and ps......Since the boys go to their dads tonight again....he would like to have another talk. So continued prayers would be greatly appreciated. I did warn him that there would be no fighting or raising of my voice on my end because I am so over that. I dont know how many more heartbreaking conversations I can continue to have. But I guess if God takes me to it he will lead me thru it, right?! So here goes another day of no eating and stomache full of messed up nerves. What a great weightloss plan right?...Not!

Day 8 Love is Not Jealous

2011-01-12T14:11:00.002-06:00

Today's lesson is learning about jealousy. How there is two different kinds of jealousy we deal with. There is the legitimate jealousy which is based on love. Then there is the illegitimate jealousy which is based on envy. Ive learned that I have been holding onto legitimate jealousy because I felt like he turned his heart away from me and was replacing it with something else. I just wanted back what was righteously mine. After having my revelation over the past weekend, I know now that true love is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in.

I will start practicing being my husbands biggest cheerleader. Its time to let love, humility and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in my heart. Its time to let his successes draw us closer together and give me greater opportunities to show genuine love.

So today's Dare was to take yesterdays Negative attributes and discreetly burn them and then share with him how glad I am for a success that he has recently enjoyed. I will become his biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy.

Day 7 Love believes the best

2011-01-12T13:57:00.002-06:00

As the days are going on...I do find myself getting closer to God. And the wonderful thing about it is the sense of peace and calmness I'm feeling. Its as if I am hearing clearer. Tho I am still taking it day by day...I can not see what my future holds. But as for today...I'm ok. I still am praying and having faith that it will all turn out beautifully in my marriage. But I'm in a place that I'm ok with whatever Gods path is for me. I am trusting whole heartily in him and know that he will lead me in the direction I need to be.

Ive been surrounded with such great love and concern by so many wonderful people. I know that if I'm feeling the slight bit uneasy...I know I can turn to you all and know that you will help listen and direct me. I am making sure that I am constantly surrounded by positivity. Thru friends, thru motivational emails, thru church and thru motivational programs I can watch. It is all helping fight Satan off and keep him from attacking me.

Day 7's Dare was to take two pieces of paper and on one write all the positive things about my husband. On the other sheet write all the negative things about him. Take them and hide them for now. But then sometime through out the day pick one positive thing about him and point it out to him and thank him for having this characteristic.

I let him know that even tho he is going through lots of pain and frustrations right now in his life...that he still manages to show kindness. He has always had that great quality about him and I thanked him for still showing me kindness. Don't ask what he said back...cuz he didn't say anything at all...and that's good because I don't need to hear anything about me from that comment. That comment was unconditional to him. Sometimes we all need to be reminded of our good qualities.

Still no opening of doors on his end. He is being pleasant and cordial. No arguments or discussions have been had again. One day at a time....and many prayers!!!

The Weekend Recovery...Day 4,5,6

2011-01-10T15:43:00.004-06:00

Taking it day by day is my goal right now. Made it thru the weekend and came out of it with a sense of more peace. On Saturday my Dare was to contact him sometime during the day and ask how he is doing and to see if there is anything I could do for him. I phoned him up while he was at work and we had a pleasant conversation. I really paid attention to what he was saying and acknowledged what he was feeling. I didn't go deep with him. But I did let him know that I was here for him.

On Sunday my Dare was to ask him what causes him to become uncomfortable or irritated with me. As to which I tried but never got a response from. I am not letting that discourage me and will forage on and still try and learn more about myself as the days continue on. The day before tho I had a heartfelt conversation with some friends about an ongoing issue that has probably consumed me over the last year. It has affected me on so many levels and now I know I am able to resolve it and let it go. I thought I was trying my best to do it before, but now I got the help I needed and a different perspective to really learn about the situation better. God is good and God has really helped me. I am learning so much about myself and how I think and how I react. Having a past full of hurt has really jaded my mind and outcome of how I interpret things. When I think I'm being nice....am I being nice for all the right reasons? I'm getting it now...slowly but surely.

Today's Dare I'm still trying to wrap my finger around. I got half of it pondering around but I'm confused on the other half. My Dare says...Choose today to react to touch circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

I'm not the brightest crayon in the box but I need help understanding what it means to add margin to my schedule. I get the wrong motivations part. I am just confused that is all. I wont let this get to me tho...I will get thru this and learn more about myself.

Another down and on to Day 3

2011-01-07T14:22:00.004-06:00

I am very Thankful for all the support and prayers that have been extended out to my marriage. It really means alot to me that we are so loved and cared for. I know God has his hand on us. I can feel it so deeply.

Last night God was definitely present in our conversation. We managed to have a very adult like and mature conversation. I really leaned hard into my Dare last night. I managed to try and not say anything negative when we were talking. I prayed for Patience and God gave it to me. I listened intently and tried to feel his emotions as he was describing them to me. He also had Patience as well when he listened to what I had to say. That was a great feeling to have, to be heard and listened to.

I can not say that it ended all in roses and balloons. He still wants it over...doesn't want it any more. He cant explain it, its just something that he is feeling deep with in. He says that hes not sure if its a mid life crisis or what. But right now he just wants to be single. He just wants it done and over. He will do everything in his power to help make sure that the boys and I are taken care of etc. He still loves me and the boys and feels real bad about this. He said its very hard on him to make this decision.

We ended the night at a complete stand still. Don't know what we will do. Don't know how we will go about handling things. But back in my mind, I know its one day at a time. That's all I can actually do at this moment. That's all the energy I have for anyways. So I guess time will tell.

Today's Dare was to once again not say anything negative and to buy a gift to show a token of appreciation. So bought him a bag of his utmost favorite candy that is very hard to find and left it in his truck for him to find in the morning. I never heard anything back about it....but I'm ok with that because this was an unconditional act of love.

I'm learning that I have done numerous acts of kindness or love always with strings attached. It really hasn't been the best feelings either. Because I am the one always putting myself up to always get taken down a few notches and discouraged. I was the one doing it to myself. Not anyone else. I try and try so hard....but I just didn't Be. Does that make sense? Well it will be a long road to recovery, but I am looking forward to just Being....being me! I'm gonna stop doing with strings attached and if I want to do something for someone...its just because and not to be expecting something in return.

So as I keep learning and leaning and believing....on to another day.

Day 1 gone Day 2 voyages on

2011-01-06T12:02:00.002-06:00

The ending result of Day 1 was ok. He came home from work and was pleasant with all. He secluded himself to house paperwork for most of the night. He did eat dinner with the boys and I which is a positive for the day. Must remind myself to find the positive in all things, right? No major conversations were had, and he did leave for an hour to take something to a friend. I was fully aware of my mouth and my being and nothing negative came from me. So I think I passed Day 1's Dare.

Now on to Day 2......I am Dared to Not say anything negative once again today. But also show a simple act of kindness towards him. I started out the morning with a whooo hoo I can do this once again feeling. I packed him a lunch to take with him to work when he left. Really didn't expect anything from it because that was me showing an unconditional act of kindness. Low and behold he Thanked me later this morning. That was very nice to hear.

I am vowing thru with no negativity. Here's the hard part of the day....Since my boys go to their dads this evening, he is wanting to have and I quote " an unhappy chat tonight ". Oy vey....I can already feel Satan's presence looming in for the kill. I am going to keep my vow tho. He told me that this hurts him and also that he is keeping me from my happiness and its not fair to me. I see sincerity behind his icy exterior....I'm continuing on with my faith and believing that God will help guide us and protect us. For he has given us this gift of marriage and we haven't taken good care of this gift. But with Patience, Hope and Love I know he is willing to help restore our gift. I just have to believe. I know we hit rock bottom...but if we both still have love, there is still hope right?

So if anyone is reading this today....I'm asking for heartfelt prayers for this evenings talk. I need God here guiding us. Not Satan and his evil lies and grotesque behavior. I would greatly appreciate it.

Taking the Dare

2011-01-05T14:04:00.004-06:00

What does one do when their marriage hits rock bottom? Life has been so difficult lately and it seems like Satan is attacking from every angle. I try and fight him off but he just keeps coming back for more. I know God is there with me....helping me along. But being an imperfect human sometimes I tend to try and fix things myself or just try and take over and not ask him for the help he is so willingly wanting to pass out. So for the last couple days Ive been talking with Him, asking for a sign. Asking what is going to happen? What should I do? Yesterday I felt like just giving in. Saying fine....if my husband thinks its best to call it quits then maybe that's what I should give him. I certainly don't want it, but that's not seeming to help matters at all. What do you do when it feels like, it appears in my eyes, that I am always trying.

Last night, I once again asked for a sign. This morning a thought came to me. It was doing the Love Dare. Oh Ive had this book sitting around for a couple years. Every once in awhile I would try to start it when things were kinda rocky before. But things worked its way out and I never made if far in the Dares. When I read the beginning of the book today....it said that this is a marathon and not a sprint. AND you must complete the whole process!! I guess its like taking an antibiotic every day and finishing the prescription. One wont get over being sick if you don't finish the meds. Right?? Plus....what do I have to loose at this point? In his eyes its over. But he did tell me that he still loves me......so is that a little seed of hope?? Maybe?! So what the heck I will give it a try.

Today (Day 1) starts with Patience. I am dared to not say anything mean to him. If I feel like I'm going that route then I need to shut up and walk away. So far so good...LOL... especially when he hasn't talked to me really yet today. Yesterday he stayed away allllll day until it was time for him to come home and go to bed. Wonder if that will be the case today? Time will only tell. So here is goes...a documentation on if this Love Dare will work for us. Wish I knew of someone that did this before and had amazing results...well besides the movie FireProof LOL. It would be encouraging if not the least.

Here is to Day 1!

oh and ps...the 40th day is the 13th of February....wonder what kinda Valentines day this year will be.

The Evil that Lies within....

2010-11-18T12:27:00.002-06:00

Lately life has just taken on lots of turmoil and frustrations. Nothing seems to be the way it should. My life was just turned upside down last week and things were not looking pretty. Satan was having a party on my expense and I paid the price for it. He had entered my life and made a mess of it. He snuck in when I was least expecting it.

I wonder why life has to be the way it has to be sometimes? I can sit back and just try and find all the pity and wooo is me sides to everything. They always seem to just jump and show their ugly faces all the time. In comes the low self esteem and the unworthiness that I think I so righteously deserve. I mean come on, when you have lived with lots of hurt from your past you start wondering...dang...what more lessons do I have to learn. I thought I was leaning on God all along and he was guiding and directing me. I thought I was doing everything right. Then boom....Satan finally shows his face...plain as day. At an age that I can fully see and comprehend him. I can sit and ask him...why me? why you choosing me? Whats so dang special about me that you want to continue messing up my life? Oh and I'm sure he would go on and on and say all the things I need to hear that really make me feel worse than I already feel. Cuz that's how he works right?

Well no more. Yesterday it was a battle between us. It was the WWIII showdown. I screamed and hollered at him. I rebuked him and not asked him to leave but told him to leave and shoved his evil butt right out the door. Oh I'm sure our little fight is not over....its gonna take sometime for him to actually get the picture and leave me, my husband, and my family alone for good. But I know that by holding on to the shield of God that I will be just fine. All safe, protected and secure.

I don't know why its taken me so long to get to this point...and right now I don't care...because I am here. Ready to take the hand of my Heavenly father and know deep down that I am is beloved, caring, beautiful, amazing daughter. I know He wouldn't want me to continue to live the pain and suffering like I have been. I'm sure hes been trying to tell me that for years....yet that evil bug just dug himself deep within and always changed the words I was hearing.

Everyday is leading us one step closer to His Kingdom of Greatness. Everyday is always going to have it challenges and trials....but Everyday starts new and full of beauty and Grace. Because He gave that to us. Unconditionally....whole heartily....all lovingly.

Peace and loves to ya

How Can Anyone Truely Love You If You Dont Love Yourself?

2010-11-02T13:21:00.003-05:00

Ahhh the question of my day.....these little words just so happened to pop into my head today out of the blue. Seems like lately that I have been having a battle with some unkind thoughts in my head. Lots of black fish swimming around in the sea of my brain. Guess the good Lord is trying to give me a little push towards the answers I need to hear.

When little dark thoughts enter our minds it is sometimes hard to just shove them off to the side and dismiss them. They often have a tendency to sit there an poke you and poke you and poke you until you start wondering and thinking. Then eventually those thoughts are what is actually happening. Ahhhh...the madness of it all. Why do we sit there and let it happen. Is it because we are just weak, is it because deep down we are crazy, or is it because we feel that there is some truth to the matter...why else would they enter our heads? When in actuality its definitely not what God wants us to think and believe. Its the evilness of the devil just coming in and trying to attack us when we have a door cracked, our armour down, and our back turned for a brief moment. Its at those times he feels like he can take over and run our life.

With the way the world is evolving, it is almost soo easy for him to take over. But never for once would God want us to even believe, trust or seek those nasty, hurtful or even plain crazy thoughts. We were made in his likeness....made to be awesome, beautiful, intelligent, kind, thoughtful, forgiving, likable, trustworthy, very much worth something...anything...everything. So why on earth would be want to take the enemy's side?

So now I need to raise my armor a little higher, make sure that my door is securely closed, KNOW God has my back and start believing those kind, warm, generous, loving thoughts and ways that He wants me to have. I need to let go of the negativity.....know that I am worth something. I need to learn to love myself truly and wholly and when I do that....it will all fit into place and I know that I will be loved....unconditionally.

Remember that God created us in his own image....not in the image of the enemy. So love ourselves a little bit more each and every day. Know deep down that we are beautiful, lovable, and worthy of everything.

Peace loves to ya......

Blankness....yet enlightening

2009-11-05T08:12:00.004-06:00

Have you ever come across one of those Ah Ha moments yet have a hard time trying to explain it? Its something that enlightens your thoughts yet you wonder why it took so long to realize something so simple. I had one of those yesterday during study. I was listening to the wonderful teacher teach about Forgiveness. Why we should forgive and hand it over to God to take care of. Why carry that burden of consequences on our shoulders after we have forgiven the one that hurt us.

Now while listening and learning my mind decided to keep taking it one step further, and then another step further and then I was hit with an answer to a question I never even asked of myself. Weird how if you let your mind wander, what things it will bring you. I have tried to write and explain what my thought was....just to erase it and try and again...yet just erase it because I couldn't word it correctly.

See I started out with the thoughts of forgiveness that I needed to give to my first two mothers of my life. I was thinking about how I forgave my biological mom for leaving me when I was 7. At a young age I thought that I wasn't good enough for her. I thought that there was something wrong with me, and that is why she stopped visiting me. (my dad had custody of me) I had these yearning thoughts growing up wanting to be with her and live with her. She had 6 other children after me and I always wondered why did she choose to be with them and not me. It didn't help that I was being raised by my second mother that was so mentally abusing to me. I felt that I was being treated differently from my brothers because I wasn't hers. As a young child I felt like I was being treated cruelly yet had no way to speak my voice. Every time I tried to defend myself, I would be made out to be a liar. I mean....don't adults believe adults over children first most of the time??? So whom would believe me? So I spent the rest of my childhood living in fear, living to make her and everyone else happy because I hated the consequences of if I messed up and made someone upset.

Fast forward to now....me being a mother myself. I have always yearned to want to be the ever present mother to my children. Before I had children, I would talk to my (ex)husband about if we had kids, that we would never get divorced because we never wanted to put our kids through what we went through as children ourselves. Yet...what happened? We obviously divorced. Thankfully tho it was done at a point that the boys were very young and hopefully they didn't endure any bad repercussion from it. Then I went out on the adventure of single motherhood. It broke my heart to know that I wasn't there all the time for my children...that the daycare, the teachers, their father, and even my parents would spend more time with them than I would because I was working 45-50 hours a week. I was the one that was picking them up in time to take them home to bed.

After a few years of this, I did end up meeting a wonderful man that I now call my husband. Since marrying him I have been blessed to be able to stay at home and once again care for my children like I had always yearned to. Now that they are a bit older and not the young babies I nurtured daily, and are in school learning to become the wonderful people that they inspire to be. I have from time to time heard the suggestion of getting a job outside the home. And when this suggestion is said, a secret panic button inside me is pressed. Noooo I cant. I will find any and every excuse to buy me more time. =0) Now I know that it would not be the end of the world if I ventured back out into the real world....but yesterday made me realize why I have a hard time with those thoughts.

I guess deep down I have this feeling that if I did go out and work again...that I would be leaving my children. I would be leaving them when they need me!!!! Maybe its not what they would think...but its that inner child in me that pops up and says...NO, don't leave me again. I need a mom there, I need a mom that wont leave me, I need a mom that will love me, and hug me. I realize that I am trying to compensate for what I didn't have when I needed it the most. I have been carrying this inner sadness for along time and never realized it....till yesterday.

So a lesson on Forgiveness turned into a lesson of learning how I'm just crazy LOL!!! No, I know I'm a bit disturbed...but that is why I'm trying to learn all my inner demons and become a better person. I have forgiven my first mom, I know now as an adult she was only doing what she thought was best for me. I know now that I was better off living with my father. I have since forgiven my second mom, because I know now that she was mentally ill herself back then. She has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. With the help of medication and hand of God....she will eventually become well again, or as close as one can be in with that diagnosis. All her actions and hurt will be her demons to battle and only she will be the one to answer for them. I forgive her...but I am still working through the hurt. I am trying my best to hand it over to God, but one cant be fixed overnight....its an ongoing process...a journey to finding the best you that you are able to be. There were reasons why I was faced with all the hard stuff growing up and in adulthood....I wish I knew now...but I know he will reveal his plan in his own time.

As it is written: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

Peace & Loves to ya!!!

Pizazz

2009-11-01T21:05:00.001-06:00

As I looked around today and soaked in all that the people I was around today acted and talked about, it made me wonder a bit. I understand that each and everyone is their own unique being. Each different in their own special blessed way. I sat back and admired how one person just had this pizazz about themself. They just were......I don't know how to really word it.....they just were living, being.

They didn't care if someone or anyone looked at them weird. They were having down right fun. They acted like a child might act. Not necessarily childish behavior but how a child just plays and has fun with no cares in the world. What intriged me was the question of....at what age were we told to let go of that feeling? When were we told that as soon as we were adults that those feelings must be shelved?

Can you think back to that feeling you got when you were a kid having fun? Maybe that time when we went outside on a late night to play hide and seek with our friends...or how when we played on the playground during recess? Something about those feelings seemed so free. But I want to know why I hardly ever have those feelings anymore?

Don't get me wrong. I still have fun and do crazy stuff. But its just not that same deep down inner fun feeling? Why did it have to be shelved for me? How do I get that back or what do I need to let go to get it back? Or is that feeling just gone now?

I don't know the answer yet. Its something I will figure out on this journey tho. Do you still have your inner childhood pizazz? Or has yours been shelved too?

Peace & Luvs to ya!!!!!

Parables

2009-10-30T10:48:00.003-05:00

For a few weeks now....I have been studying the parables that Jesus has given us to help us better understand life. We are presented with the Sower, the Wise and Foolish Builders, the Persistent Widow, the Pharisee and Tax Collector, the Weeds and the Wheat, and the Mustard Seed and the Yeast. A few great stories that really make you dig deeper into your thoughts to try and better understand whom you truly are and who you can truly inspire to be.

If I had to choose one parable right now that would best suit what I am...or what I'm going through. It would be very hard. For I think that I have a few of those going on inside me right now. The parable of the Sower can describe the part of me that is going on this journey to better myself, and find the true meaning of my life. I know that I have lived the shallow heart during a period of my life. Letting my emotions and quick decisions burden the road that I should of been patient on. Often blaming myself and hating God for what I experienced. (loss of my son) I also lived with the crowded heart...taking on all the worries of my life and every ones around me. Always trying to fix what was wrong. Taking on all the blame. (mentally abusive childhood) That part of me that wanted to be in control of situations and make sure everyone is happy. Not turning it over and having the patience and understanding that He will take care of everything....including me.

There has been soo many times in my life (sons death, divorce) where I would have loved to hit the fast forward button and just skip over the hurdle that I was experiencing. Just as in the parable of the Wise and Foolish builders....I wanted to just skip all the hard stuff not knowing that it was the important work...just so I could see the end result. But if it wasn't for the lessons that were presented to me along the way...I would not be able to build the firm foundation that I need now...and for the rest of my life. By learning to be patient, leaning on God and his word....now I know that any storm that is brought to me can be survived. No matter how difficult and strenuous it may seem. I must constantly remind myself of his faithfulness. As someone said....worry is just practical atheism. If you worry, you're acting like an unbeliever.

I like this quote by Ogilvie: "Anxiety is the result of doing our own thing, on our timing and with our resources. Freedom from anxiety comes when we desire to do what God wants, when He wants it and with whom He wants it and by His power. God's work done without God's power depletes God's people."

I have a long journey ahead of me to truly understand my purpose that He has created for me. But for this lesson, I am not even tempted to hit the fast forward button anymore. I want to study and learn, and understand all there is to know. I want to drink all that life has to offer me. For if I cant truly learn my lessons...how can I teach my own children? So if I look within myself, and change what I need to change, have the faith and patience to know that He is in control. I believe that my life can and will be lived to its fullest potential....because its the life He has chosen for me. If you had to choose one...could you choose a parable that fits your life? Which one are you experiencing or have experienced?

Lamentations 3:25-26 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks him. It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

Peace and Luvs to ya!!!

2009-10-21T20:04:00.001-05:00

32 years old, 4 children and precious time just slipping away. Oh how I wish I could help her!! Life is such a blessing! My sister is a blessing!

Hmmm

2009-10-14T15:03:00.003-05:00

So its been awhile since Ive actually sat down at the computer. Kinda needed that break for a bit. Kinda weird how our lives revolve around a little box these days. Ive decided that maybe those little thoughts that kept rolling around in my head over the past few months needed to be released and what better way than just letting them go. See I'm not to worried any more about what people think of me and what I write about because I know that not many people read my writings so I'm sure the bizarre things I write about will just end up floating in the cyber clouds.

Up until recently I have been consumed with what I need to do or what I need to say to get people to like me. Is what I am...good enough for others? I also have always dreamed about what it would be like stepping into other shoes. Seems like we always want to pick up the shoes that tell the good stories...never the ones that tell the bad. Then I realized...how can I actually find the true meaning of my OWN life if I want to live through others. I cant...It would be living a fraudulent life. Definitely not a true life for myself. But even tho I tried to fit in.....trying to post about my lovely wonderful beautiful kids.....or posting pictures etc. I just couldn't get the feel for it. Felt like a failure in comparison to those other beautiful/talented/witty/smart etc... bloggers.

Seems like I'm always trying to be like everyone else...but never just being Me. So I'm going to take this little blog space to just ramble about what thoughts go through my head on a day to day or week to week or month to month basis. (see I'm putting a disclaimer in there now..in case I cant make it back tomorrow ) I'm going to set out to really find the true meaning of my life. I may write about how depressed I'm feeling. Or I may write about an off the wall topic. But either way I'm letting it go...and I know that will be best for me. I am the one that is usually the listener in the conversations....never seems like what I have to say matter to most people. Everyone can go on and on about what they need to. I will always listen. Never stepping on toes.

So there you have it. This little corner of cyber heaven will be occupied by me. Just me. My thoughts. My conversations. My inspirations. My ME!

Now I didn't say you had to read...so please don't feel compelled. For I am truly not trying to burden no one. Ive found out how to do this via email and via text....so maybe just maybe I can get to this more than once every harvest moon.

Much love and peace

Test

2009-10-14T15:02:00.001-05:00

Test from phone email

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

2009-10-14T14:46:00.001-05:00

Testing from phone

Music Monday

2009-04-13T09:43:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was a glorious day.

Yesterday was a blessing.

Yesterday was so meaningful.

Yesterday doesn't have to end.

Life is made up of soo many different scenarios and stories. We all face different obstacles and hurdles that we have to over come. But in the end...all the paths lead straight for the same destination. No matter how much you try and avoid certain detours in life...and how much you try and avoid certain different callings....in the end you will end up at the same destination that was meant for you.

Your life has meaning and a plan. Everything that you give today has a purpose and an effect whether you realize it or not. Every word you say to someone can and will effect them in a way that you might not see or comprehend. Every gesture you show towards someone else or even towards yourself will have an effect....at some point. Just think back....I know the older we get our memory starts to fade...but I'm sure there is a time you can remember when someones kind gesture really made you feel good. I'm sure you can also remember a time when someones cruel gesture made you feel bad or unworthy. Same for the words that came out of another mouth towards you. We have all lived a life where soo many of us hear what others don't hear or realize what they are saying. In fact I'm sure at one point in our lives we may have been guilty as well.

We may not remember the times we said something snotty to someone...yet that one person still to this day remembers it. What about that time when you were in such a hurry that taking 3 seconds out of your day to hold that door for that one person may of been the best present that person received that day...but you just let it slam in front of them...not even realizing it.

We take so much for granted sometimes that we can not see past our own feet and into the lives of others. We can not see the true blessings that are bestowed upon us and how miraculous our lives really are. Lots of times we just walk through the day doing the same thing and the same stuff and not stepping back and seeing the true blessings that the day had to offer us.

Your life is glorious.

Your life is blessing.

Your life is meaningful.

Your life doesn't have to end.

You are special to me....luvs to ya...

Photo Shoot Fun!!!!!

2009-03-26T09:24:00.005-05:00

Yesterday my lovely cousin, Kelly needed test subjects for her new job training at the Picture People. So when asked, the boys joyfully volunteered!!!!! Here are a few shots from the shoot.

Thanks for looking!!!!!

Peace and luvs to ya

Music Monday

2009-03-23T10:25:00.004-05:00

I know I know..its been a month...bad Stefani bad!!!!

Anyways...

This weeks pick I made it tough on myself. You see music is the universal language for so many people. It can hit you so hard or it can make you cringe by just the right or wrong notes. Every song writer usually has a story to the meaning of it....or they just put a great rhyming melody together and its a big hit.

But just as people come with all kinds of layers to them...so do songs. A song may mean one thing to someone but take on a totally different meaning to someone else. That's when a good song is really a great song. When you can dig down beneath the different layers and see the beauty that comes from with in it. The true meaning of music, like all art, is seen through the eye of the beholder. Even some of the crappiest of songs...are a true piece of artwork in their own form. Just like the famous pieces of art that you wonder what all the fuss is about.

This week I chose for Music Monday the Red Hot Chili Pepper's song Snow (Hey-o). I chose this song not only cuz I like the melody and the beat...but because this song can be interpreted many ways. A quick obvious interpretation could be that its about drugs...cocaine or heroine. But if you get past the first layer and start digging deeper...you might find more to the song. Could it be about a man that is trying to recover and break free from drugs and find his own self worth? Could it be about life in general. That there is more to it that what you see on the outside?

The interpretation is really in the eye of the beholder and what you want to take away from it. All people are unique...all songs are unique. That's the great beauty in it all. God works his magic in breath taking ways that who are we to question it.

So here you go...here is my Music Monday pick....

and just for fun.....take a look at this 9 year old boy....truely talented....

Peace out and luvs to ya'll

Music Monday

2009-02-23T14:23:00.003-06:00

This Monday the sun is out and its bright blue sky above. From inside one is just imagining the nice warmth of a summer day...yet if you were to actually open up the door you would be quite turned off!!! Its cold and there is white stuff on the ground. I get the whole cycle of life thing. I know we need the winter so that we will have a spring to be grateful for. The new plants, the new baby animals....I get it.
But sometimes winter can just drag on and on. So in honor of Music Monday...one of my favorite songs of all times that will stick in my head for days was sung by the famous Otis Redding. Now I cant find a video of him singing it LOL...but I came across a beautiful woman who sings it just as well. I can close my eyes and already imagine the warm summer breeze blowing, lounging back and taking life in.......

Heres to whats to come .....Luvs to ya!!!!

Music Monday

2009-02-16T20:50:00.002-06:00

Squeezing in my Music Monday pick before the day is over. Today has been a bit busy so I haven't had the opportunity to let my brain go deep into thought. So in honor of my husband and him being home today....I chose this song. We got married in Jamaica in June 2006 and they video taped the ceremony. They added music to the whole dvd and this is one of the songs that I had playing at the beginning of the video.

I am soo blessed to have my husband in my life, and well hes thankful to have me in his ( LOL). Life presents you with soo many forks in the road and making decisions on which way to go is kinda hard sometimes. But in the end we are doing what He wants us to do and we don't need to question that. Every day we are given is a blessing and an opportunity to fulfill His plan. So when ever we don't think we have the answer...we just need to sit back, pray, and have faith that everything will be alright.

Peace and Luvs to ya..........

Thursday Thoughts

2009-02-12T10:50:00.002-06:00

Worrying is like a rocking chair......Its something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

I read this quote on a church sign a few months ago and it has stuck with me ever since. Its funny how life works sometimes. I was going through some rough emotional stress over this past summer and I was having a hard time just letting go and letting the Lord show me the direction he wanted us to take.

Every Monday, Wednesday and every other Friday and Sunday I drive down this road and pass this church 4 times each day while taking the boys to meet their father. As you can tell I see this sign quite often. I usually read the sign and think...OK, and then just wait a few weeks later and see what they put up different. Everything they put up is wonderful and thought provoking. But this particular day when I was filled to the brim with stress and didn't know what to do. I was getting very frustrated and annoyed with all the insecurities and unknowns that were in our life. I just asked God to help and ease my mind and just let us know what direction we should be going in.

Well, that day I just so happened to have to take the boys to their meeting spot. That day that church just so happened to change their sign, and that day God just so happened to speak to my heart. I drove down that road, and looked over at that sign and read.... Worrying is like a rocking chair, its something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. Right there it just clicked, shot straight to my heart and every little bit of stress just let go and disappeared. He spoke to me and let me know that everything would be OK. Shortly after that...within a few weeks, the direction and answers we were looking for became clear to us. I learnt a valuable lesson from that experience. I wasted so much energy on the stressing out and worrying and if I would of just continued to have faith and trust, I could of used all that energy and put it towards something more positive. Maybe my flowers that summer would of looked nicer..who knows ;)

Since then life has been a bit calmer. I don't tend to stress too much, and when I do find myself starting to feel a bit edgy...that quote just pops right back into my head.

Warmth, Tenderness, and Luvs to ya.....

Music Monday

2009-02-09T10:09:00.004-06:00

Its been a few weeks since I posted a Music Monday selection. I kinda miss it. I just love music and and it really just speaks to our inner core. Something about music...you can always find a tune that will express exactly what your feeling or thinking. It can do amazing things like bring you around from a sad and exhausted state to a rejuvenated and excited frame of mind.

Isn't it amazing how God can work his hands and sculpt people and use them for amazing tasks. Have complete strangers touch one anothers hearts, minds and souls. Just the sound of one persons voice can give a tender touch to a person that is in soo much pain. As much as He has made the sweet sound of silence in a open field, did He give us the wonderful sound of music.

For my Music Monday pick, Ive chosen Kelly Clarkson's new release. Its titled, My life would suck with out you. I found it to be very upbeat and exciting and new. Great sound to listen to when on the treadmill. It reminds me of the times with the hubby where we have fought over stupid stuff. The small trivial things in life. But its those things and times that just make us who we are. We are only human and we mess up sometimes. But without a step back would we never get two steps ahead. Life is all about living and learning from our mistakes. I wouldn't be where I am now if I didn't make mistakes. I wouldn't have the memories or the friends that I have now if I didn't make wrong decisions. For that I am very grateful of.

We may think from time to time that if we could only go back and change the choices we made, how much life would be different now. We would think how much better it would be. But in reality we did make the right choices. We did do the right things. Because we are on the path of being taught the lessons He wants us to learn. We need to trust in Him and know that He has a greater plan for us. Its the small little mess ups that teach us the biggest lessons in life.

So always remember to trust in yourself, trust in Him and believe that no matter how bad things are or how hard things are.....He will always love you, provide for you, and take care of you. Because quite honestly...I know my Life would suck without Him!!!

So that brings me to your moment....Whats speaking to your heart, your ears these days. Whats running and singing through your mind. Talk to me, I'd love to get up and dance with you or just sit there and hug you so tight. Whats your Music Monday?????

Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You

Peace and Luvs to you........my life is better with you in it!!!!

Happy Birthday Kirsty

2009-02-06T08:06:00.007-06:00

Happy Birthday Kirsty!!!!! So today is my good friend Kirsty's birthday, and while she doesn't just live around the corner here in town...she does live around the corner here in cyber world. I have been friends with Kirsty since we were pregnant with our 8 year olds. Over the years we have gotten to see so many event happen and unfold together. Its amazing what kind of friends you can make in these day and ages. God surely knew what he was doing for us...especially moms. The ability to just sit down and chat with friends when your nursing or when your baby is taking a nap with out having to worry if the house it clean or if you look nice was never thought of 15 years ago. Now because of this ability I have been blessed with soo many great friends in my life. Hence that is why I am writing about one of them....Kirsty.

Kirsty had asked for just one great big wish on her birthday....and that was for others to do just one kind act in her honor for the day. It could be as little as not yelling at your kids or reading them an extra book at night or just snuggling more with them. Or as big as your imagination would want to take you. I felt that this was a feasible task to undertake and I wanted to join in on her "party".

So I went out and bought Kirsty a gift, and had someone special in mind that I wanted to give this gift to. My sister!!! See this sister is a different breed of sisters...she is not your typical run of the mill bossy sister like I might be to her LOL. But this sister is kind and compassionate, dear and true. She has made many mistakes in her life and holds her self accountable for the consequences of those actions. She has learned the lessons that God wanted to teach her and is trying to be a better person for not only herself and her children but also for the world.

See my sister was diagnosed with cancer this past summer. She has not only endured numerous treatments of harsh chemotherapy but also had to have a radical hysterectomy. So far she has made it through with flying colors. She is now working on a year long journey of weekly chemo treatments......weekly spa treatments for the inside. She knows that this is a long road to recovery that she is on, but she is staying soo strong and positive. This type of attitude can only help her recovery and kick that cancers butt. For that I'm soo proud of her.

So back to Kirstys birthday.....Kirsty has gotten into becoming a health nut over the last year or so and has taken up the enjoyable hobby of running (this is where we insert the rolling of the eyes icon cuz.....who finds running to be enjoyable....LOL). Kirsty has taken her love of fitness and has shared it with soo many people and has helped encourage them to want to be better for themselves. My sister has made a vow to herself that she too wants to become a more fit person and take better care of herself.....having this cancer really does put life in perspective. So what better gift could I give my sister on be half of Kirsty...why...a new pair of shoes. Lots of people could go out and just by themselves a pair of shoes...no biggie. But when you don't have a lot of money coming in, you kinda prioritize things a bit differently. My sister who is staying with me for a bit was sooo determined to get fit that it didn't matter if she had shoes or not...she was still doing it for herself. She would get on the treadmill and walk...with no shoes.

Determination.....that is something I see in Kirsty and that is something I see in my sister. Its amazing how God used his hands today. Taking two peoples lives that didn't know anything about each other and placing them right next to each other. Loving them both unconditionally.

So for you my sweet Kirsty friend.....Happy Birthday...may this year bring you the kind of joy and peace and harmony that you are so deserving of. Cheers!!!!!

Oh and Miss Kirsty.....One more little kind act for today as well. I made a donation to a lady who is raising money for the Special Olympics...her son has Autism and she is participating in the Virginia's Polar Plunge 2009. Here is the link to the fundraising page so you can take a looksy if you would like. She is soo close to her goal for tomorrows plunge. There are soo many amazing people out there...... Kathy Starr.

Once again...Happy Birthday to Kirsty...Peace and Luvs to ya.....

(If you were wondering what is in front of our treadmill...we made a motivational board to look at when we are on it....we are nuts I know)

New Favorite Song

2009-01-21T20:04:00.001-06:00

If you havent heard this yet...you must. Its a song for every American out there. I just love it!!!!

Peace and Luvs to ya!!!!

Music Monday

2009-01-19T10:53:00.003-06:00

The inspirational word for this year that has been speaking to me is Hope. See, quite a few years ago I gave up on hope. I felt that if I would hope for things eventually I would just be crushed in the long run. So why would I want to put my raw self out there for that kind of rejection? I think that is when I started to close myself off to alot of the "good" feelings that would come with life's lessons.

In trying to better myself, and live a more positive and fulfilling life, I have found that alot of what we all live on and learn from is...Hope. Without hope, love and faith....what kind of person can we truly inspire to be? Hope can be defined through two avenues....one as a noun, and the other as a verb. As a noun...Hope is defined as the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that the events will turn out for the best. As a verb, Hope is defined by looking forward to with desire and reasonable confidence or better yet...to believe, desire or trust.

So I'm taking a step back and learning that Hope can be a good thing. That if you truly believe and allow yourself to have faith. Good things can come to you and even tho at the time it might not seem like the best situation or feeling.....it is Hope that teaches us that there is a far better lesson to the situation than what we see on the surface at the time.

So for Music Monday, the song that is speaking to me lately and giving me an Awesome perspective to how He would like us to lead our lives comes from the beautiful Addison Rose.

Here she sings....Hope Now

Here is Hope, Here is Faith and Here is Luvs to ya....

Oh My......

2009-01-11T20:55:00.002-06:00

I love this...Please check this out....... ohmyGod.tv

OhMyGod.tv

Many hugs and luvs to ya....

2009-01-08T22:22:00.003-06:00

Man o Man....where is time going. My word its already the 8th (almost the 9th) day of the month of January. Didn't we just ring in the New Year. I guess "they" are right that the older you get the faster that time moves along. I want to know whom gave permission for that to happen??!!??

Since time has flown by and life has been crazy (that dreadful 24hour stomach thing hit us...lucky for me it hit me on Christmas...yes lucky me) soo much has happened in the last month. My baby did not listen to me and he decided on his own to turn 10. Double digit 10. I tell you...he's grounded for not listening to me. I specifically told him that he was not allowed to have any more birthdays. The older he gets the older I get...not that growing old is scary for me....just that its sad that time is flying and hes growing older. (this is the time where I should insert pictures of him then and him now......but yeah...this computer is not the one with all the pics on it so that will have to come later).

We celebrated Christmas programs and class parties. We celebrated with many family and friends over the holiday season. (Once again this is where I insert this awesome picture of Santa that I took at a family party....but yeah...its not on this laptop) We had a great time with Aurthur Jingles...our elf friend that visited us shortly after Thanksgiving and stuck around and watched over the boys. He would report back every night to Santa and let him know how they did that day. He would return sometime in the middle of night or early morning...who knows, we were sleeping. But he would be found in all kinds of trouble. Climbing the Christmas tree, stealing crackers from the pantry, eating the food in the fridge, throwing the pillows all over the living room. Oh the mischief he got into. But he was a nice little elf and the boys thoroughly enjoyed his company. Good Bye Aurthur. We will miss you!!!!!

Christmas came and many grateful presents were opened. Now to find the time to sneak in all the rematches to Clue, Battleship, Pictureka, Triominos and many many more games. Its soo awesome to see the joy and excitement that comes from the little children when they get something soo special to them that they just wanted oh sooo bad. Gotta love the pure hearts.

New Years came...yeah it came. Now we must get into the habit of writing 2009. I don't know how many times I caught myself slipping back in history LOL. By the time I get 2009 down pat...I will need to start preparing lessons for 2010. Speaking of of 2010....when we get that far along will it then be called the 10's? I mean we have celebrated the 40's, 50's 60's, 70's etc. I still don't know what we call what we are currently in...except for recession, but that's a whole other topic.

I had kinda felt like Ive been soo out of the loop. Life had actually consumed me that I didn't have much computer time. Hence no blogs. Hence no check ins on the Myspace page. Hence not many posts on Facebook. But you know every now and then its good to just be able to sit back and enjoy your family. The computer can be fun and entertaining...but it can also suck you in. Big time!!!! Its nice to just step back and breathe for a bit.

So since Ive taken in a few breathes of fresh air (ok...cold winter air) I might be able to squeeze a bit of computer time in. Ok I admit it. I missed my laptop. I love my laptop. Its my baby and I have neglected it. Its in heaven now that I'm talking to it again.

Anywho....I really hope that your holidays were fun, wonderful, joyful, and bright!!!! I hope that you were blessed with many presents and gifts of love. I pray that your New Year is going to be your best year. I hope that many blessing are revealed to you and that you can have a calmer and more peaceful year.

Cheers and luvs to ya!!!!!

Music Monday on Tuesday

2008-12-16T10:47:00.003-06:00

Oh its that time of year again where life just gets soo overwhelming and starts slipping by. Oh how I love the familiness and love that comes but I just hate that when you blink you miss something.
So with that being said I love this time of year for all the music that is brought out and played to celebrate His birth. Its amazing how our little voices can become soo big when you just sing about Him.
Here is a new song this year by Faith Hill. Its soo moving and beautiful. If you haven't heard it yet, you need to just sit back and listen. I just love her voice. Simply wonderful.

A Baby Changes Everything

Faith Hill

May you be wrapped into the warmth of his Spirit,

Enjoy the Reason for the Season,

Luvs to ya

Music Monday

2008-11-24T16:36:00.003-06:00

Today's Music Monday selection goes out in honor of my Grandma that passed away on Saturday. She is an amazing, wonderful, and caring woman. She lived her life the way she wanted and the way the Lord wanted. Life may of been hard on her path, but she never once gave up and she always came out with a smile. She had a grace about her that lit up a whole room and a silly craziness like Lucille Ball. She will always be in my heart and I will never forget. I was blessed to have come from her genes. May she rest in peace and may she now be free from the disease that killed her (Alzheimer). She is finally home, where she wanted to go.......

Luvs to you....

Stef

New Hobby

2008-11-07T15:59:00.002-06:00

Well because of these harder economic times that we have had to endure...I have found a new hobby that has been turning into a fun little game for me. This is called "Couponing" by some folks...being "Frugal" by others. However you want to call it, I have been just having fun. I have started cracking myself up at some of the deals that are just sitting there at the store waiting for a little ol customer like me to pick up on it.

One great one I found was at our local grocery store HyVee...where one day I needed a roll of sausage to add to beef up my spaghetti sauce since my lovely hubby likes meaty sauce to take over the noodle aspect of the meal LOL. To put it bluntly he is not a pasta person...which I can not fathom what is wrong with him. I know deep down somewhere in my past life or something I must of been an Italian because man o man I can eat pasta daily if given the choice LOL. So anyways...The Dealio....ok. Well how it started was I had a coupon for a $1 off log of Jimmie Dean sausage and on the roll there happened to be a peelie coupon for if you bought that roll you get a package of fresh Jimmie Dean links or patties for free. Hmmmmm....scratching my head...that means the $3.79 sausage - the $1.00 Q = $2.79 with a free $3.88 link or sausage...meaning take $2.79 and divide that in half = $1.40 a package...how could one go wrong with that. So I bought me a the roll and went on my merry way. Well after checking out the register printed another coupon out for me for a $1 off my next purchase of 2 or more.

Well a few days went by and I needed another roll of sausage. I went back and now they had a little machine there that just pops out Coupons for $1 off a Jimmie Dean sausage. Cool. There was still some sausages with free link/patties peelies on them. Can you say Stock Up!!! LOL. This deal was just sitting there.

Another one I came across this week was at Target. Target has web coupons that you can print off. This week they had a $1 off the Flat Earth veggie chips and I just happened to have a manufacture coupon for a $1 off as well. Well I went to go see how much they would be with $2 off (using both coupons) and low and behold the bags all had peelie coupons for $1 off the bag....and they were $2.69 - the $1 Target Q and - $1 peelie Q = .69cents!!!! Score...and they are quite nummy I might add.

So these were just a couple things I got that were just sitting there waiting to be taken home by me. Maybe they are waiting for you as well...you never know. Gotta check it out. Its a fun little game to play. I have gotten tons of other deals as well...too numerous to mention at this moment.

Anywho....till next time. Peace and luvs to ya.....

LeeLou's Blog

2008-10-28T14:20:00.002-05:00

I just love this blog that makes blog templates. They are just soo cute and darling. Very creative. Please take a moment to check her out. She is doing a Launch Party right now with lots of giveaways over the next days.

Peace out and luvs to ya.....

Music Monday

2008-10-20T10:49:00.003-05:00

Well today's Music Monday pick that I have chosen has kinda two things to it. I love this song and think its really great and has a wonderful message behind it. But also that this song is played in this movie, which I saw this past weekend.

I absolutely fell in love with this movie and recommend it to every couple out there. If the couple isn't married...I think it would give them a great lesson for the future. If they are and their marriage is kinda rocky right now, it would give them hope that things can turn around. If their marriage is just fine...I think this movie can show them that they can make their marriage awesome! And even if your not in a relationship, this is definitely a great movie to go and watch the story play out. This movie brings many blessings to many people and I feel that it is most definitely a movie all must see.

So take a break from life, set up a date time with your love. Escape the hum drum of the day to day stuff, and go cozy up in a warm, dark theater and let your mind be taken for a wonderful ride.

John Waller's While I'm Waiting

Have a marvelous day and luvs to ya............

Music Monday

2008-10-13T10:20:00.002-05:00

What do you see? What do you hear? What have you learnt from others? I don't know about you...but I am a people watcher. Yes, I admit it...we could be waiting at a restaurant to be seated and I will be caught just watching people and how they are interacting in their life. My mind will wander and wonder and try to figure out their story. Most of the time...their stories in my head are pretty glamorous and wonderful. But the reality of it is...we don't know what is actually happening in a total strangers life.

Do you ever wonder what they may be going through? I mean we sit there from time to time and wish that we could just exchange our lives with someone else. We are assuming that their life is much better than ours. We see our friends that have a beautiful big home and gorgeous kids and wonderful jobs. But could they be struggling with trying to pay the bill, struggling at keeping the job, could they be trying to fight off an illness that they haven't shared with anyone. Could their perfect children be having problems at home that they are not sharing with you.

Everyone seems to try and put up a picture of what they think everyone wants them to be like. But have you ever just looked into their eyes and really see what they may be going through. Stop imagining that just because your life is not going so well...that theirs is wonderful. We need to stop and really see who people are. Stop and listen to them speak.

So the next time when you catch yourself "people watching", try to see into their eyes and when your out and about....maybe just be a little bit more courteous to the strangers around you. We don't know what they are going through...just like they don't know what your going through. Just because your having a bad day or time in your life...doesn't mean your the only one. Just take a moment...breathe.......listen.....

Brandon Heath's Give Me Your Eyes

Peace out and luvs to ya....

Who are you? What do you stand for?

2008-10-09T11:21:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry...but I'm getting a bit annoyed and tired at all this badgering and cutting down of one another. Why does a Presidential Campaign have to be about what the other one doesn't do or what they didn't do or how bad they did it. Why cant someone just stand up and say enough is enough. This is who I am and This is what I stand for. This is what I want to do for my country I love so much. This is what I want to do for the people I so strongly care for.

Why would we want to vote for a person that all they can do is cut down someone else. Weren't you taught manners? Yes I understand that everyone makes mistakes in their past and everyone learns from their mistakes. But from those mistakes makes us a much better and stronger individual. From what Iv learned...we all are just human. No ones perfect...not even one.

So will the real President elect stand up and just tell us what you will do for us? Ignore the bully in the other corner, because he will get whats coming to him. I didn't realize that a Presidential Campaign is like watching a whacked out version of Romper Room. Come on people....can we just act our age?

Sitting in my time out chair,
Luvs to ya....

Music Monday

2008-10-06T09:31:00.007-05:00

So today I am posting a song that I hear from time to time and it seems to always pull at my heartstrings...it is very inspirational because of who we all are. It doesn't matter what path in life your on, God will always take you back and will always forgive you...no matter what.

We all deep down know what path we must take in life...and sometimes you come to many forks in the road and there is pressure to lead you down the wrong fork...yet you didn't know that was the wrong way until you already went through it. What may have once seemed like a wrong way...was actually the right way..because it made us who we are today.

God knows what direction we will go, long before we are given the choices. He didn't give up on us when he saw us heading in the wrong direction...yet he just quietly held our hands and guided us in ways that we were unknowing of. So if you think that you haven't lead the right path in your life and that all is lost....it is not. You are on the path that is meant for you. It has made you who you are today and has given you so much strength and knowledge. He has always been there with you. You just didn't "know it".

So in honor of Him and who he is and what he does for us....my song pick for Music Monday is:

Jeremy Camp's Take You Back

I hope you realize how special you are and that everyday you are given is truly a gift. You are walking down the path that is made just for you and that everything is going to be truly OK.

Many blessings and luvs to ya....

Your Voice Does Make a Difference

2008-10-02T11:58:00.004-05:00

www.declareyourself.com

Please take the time to register and vote. The deadline for registering is fastly approaching. Please check and see when the deadline is for your state. Mine is 28 days prior to the voting day. Today marks 34. I am headed to my county clerks office to update my addy and last name since I didnt do it after I got married. So I strongly urge you to please please please...Vote!!!! You can make a difference!!!

Peace out and luvs to ya!!!!

Lucky Me....Whoo hoo!!!

2008-10-01T15:21:00.004-05:00

So I was blessed with a blog award today! Sweet Christie from Christie's Thoughts sent me this award. It is a Gold Card award titled BFF, Blogging Friends Forever. Not only is this an awesome award but it is my very FIRST award.

The deal is when receiving this award is I have a duty to pass it on. I was given a set of rules...Here are the rules:

-Only five people allowed

-Four have to be dedicated followers of your blog

-One has to be someone new or recently new to your blog and live in another part of the world

-You must link back to whoever gave you the award

OK, so I am not sure if I have any followers from other parts of the world, so I don't think I can follow that rule so I will say a different part of the country, but I have done my best to adhere to the rest with these recipients.

My loyal followers:

Janet at Life In Focus

Kirsty at Momedy

Missy at I Love This Circus

Kim at Kim's HideOut

My new follower: Denise from Our Full Nest

So I am off to "virtually" spend my winnings on all the things I have dreamed about buying. I will try not to go too overboard, but man o man my imagination can carry me away sometimes!

Peace out

Luvs ya.....

Music Monday

2008-09-22T09:05:00.002-05:00

This song has been pulling at me for a month now. It has become one of my favorite ones these days and I just love listening to it over and over again. Maybe it hits home for me and my past. I don't quite know, but I do know that all I have to do is call on Him and He will always be there.

I'm sharing this particular video because I found that with the band explaining themselves at the beginning, it helps reiterate that music comes from the soul and just speaks in soo many ways. Whatever kind of mood your in, or whatever kind of day your having...there will always be a song singing from it..all you have to do is listen.

Third Day singing Call My Name

Have a marvelous day,

Peace out and luvs to ya!

God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary work.

2008-09-17T08:19:00.004-05:00

I am a lucky person because I have friends. Now you might think....why is that lucky, we all have a friend or two. Well I'm especially lucky because I have these friends that I have known now for almost 9 years and they are truly amazing. What makes them soo unique and different than any other friend I have is that they are true angels sent from above. I met these girlfriends when I was pregnant with my youngest Ethan....like I said, almost 9 years ago. Its the amazing world of the Internet that allows us to meet up on a day to day basis and have a cup of joe to drink and chat amongst each other. Tho we might not "see" each other everyday, we don't let that stop us from having a true meaningful friendship. One that does not compare to any other.

These friends will allow you to be yourself, allow you to tell your deepest darkest secrets and not have to worry about if they will spill the beans. These girlfriends will be there no matter what....No Matter What!!!! Its like saying they have an unconditional love of friendship for each of us. Don't get me wrong, there has been a tiff from time to time, but life is too short to hold grudges and dwell on the negative. We build bridges and get over it.

These angels sent from above will lend a shoulder to cry on, hold out a hand to help lead the way, encourage your sorrow with a smile soo bright, and teach you in ways that you didn't think was possible. To these amazing friends I will ever be so grateful for. I will always cherish them for who they are and what they represent. Its very hard to come by these types of friends. Its a friendship that you just don't take for granted. God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary work.

This past Friday, one of these amazing and most dear friends lost her battle to cancer and has gone on to relax in the daisy fields of heaven. She was a true fighter and warrior, one that wouldn't take any gruff from anyone. She now is in the most beautiful place of all and no longer suffering from the pain that this world has caused her.

She will be truly missed and there will always feel like there is an empty chair sitting there next to the table where we all gather at. She will never be forgotten, that is for sure. She has impacted the lives of soo many that her greatness and lessons of life will be carried on through each and everyone of us...her friends. Its like the saying...once a friend, always a friend. Even tho shes not here with us no more, she will always be a friend.

So heres to the friends we have, heres to the friends that are yet to come, heres to the times that we cherish and the times we will never forget......

Peace out, luvs ya....

One of those days.....

2008-09-10T12:08:00.003-05:00

What is it that makes us go from completely "normal" one minute to a complete and utter mess the next? Why is it one day we are totally fine and the next we are the ugliest person on the planet, we are the fatest person around, we have the messiest house ever and man who would dare step foot in our place? Everything we have, something is so wrong with it and we can find flaws in every little thing!

Yes my dear friends there is an answer to that burning question and even tho we all hate to admit it....we all know this deep dark secret. Even tho we totally hate to admit it...even to ourselves (in the moment). The true answer can always be found and blamed on our one true enemy.

We take responsibility for our feelings and answers...oh no...we can not have that!! This one we have to blame on someone else. For it is not like us on a "normal" day to even fathom acting or thinking this way.

I know, I know...we are taught to take responsibility for our actions and never to lay blame on others. The way that pleases God and results in spiritual growth is to accept personal responsibility for our actions. (now whining)...But can't we just blame this one on our mean spirited, quite hurtful and self centered Aunt Flo? I mean, what harm would that bring? Its not like she would mind that we blame her.

Plus we would have a definite answer to "the" burning question, and that just only makes us more knowledgeable when others may ask....Why are you acting all weird like today?

Peace out and maxi pads....
Luvs ya

Music Monday

2008-09-08T10:16:00.003-05:00

Music comes from the soul and tells a story. Music touches us in so many different ways and really shares how our day/week may be. Ive always been a big fan of music and try to always listen to the story that the artist is sharing. Some songs I love just because they are catchy and fun to sing along to. Others I love because they hit home, they share what I'm feeling, or its like the artist stepped into my soul and is telling my story. Any which way you look at it, music is just an awesome sound. God granted so many people the ability to give the world a beautiful experience. I'm just privileged to be able to have the opportunity to hear them.

My Monday Music pick for this week is Heidi Newfield with her song Johnny and June. I chose this song because this is how I feel towards my husband....

Soooooo whats your song this week...what/who is speaking to you? I'd love to hear your Music Monday pick.

Awesome day and Luvs to ya.........

That time again.....

2008-09-04T21:06:00.005-05:00

With the crisp, rainy weather that we had to day...it truly marks the end of another era...the end of another summer. Time to dig out those jeans and sweatshirts, and figure out what your going to do with all those straggly looking plants in the pots that you cant bear to just throw away because they were once oh sooo pretty and ohh soo part of the family LOL. But yes...it is getting to that time of year again when we say adios to the hot summer sun and hello gloom and doom. Now I really don't mind the jeans and sweatshirt (as long as they still fit from last year) but I don't really care for the jeans and sweatshirt with another shirt underneath with a huge coat over top.
But what are we to do about it...there really is nothing we can. We just gotta go with the flow and realize Mother Nature knows what shes doing. Or we hope so anyways. I know its all part of the cycle and if you live in the Midwest like I do, seasons do come and go. I guess we must look at the positive in all that we can. I mean when the leaves do change colors, they are truly magnificent in all their glory. You can drive to wonderful areas and see the bright hues of yellow, orange and red. Then there is the lovely bonfires at night that help take the chill off while you sit around swapping stories with wonderful friends. There is the fun hay rack rides at the apple orchards and pumpkin patches. There is no more mowing the yard....OK I would rather mow the yard than rake leaves or shovel snow. But I am trying to look at the positive in all that we are given.
So it has officially started here...the beginning path to the next season. Has it started there for you yet?

Oh and since its been colder and we have been inside...we have watched some television recently. Well this one commercial caught my ear....not my eye...but my ear. Not that I'm a big fan of them, but the McDonald's McRib is back and they have a new commercial out. Well the song that they play is just sooooo.......ohhh catchy. Soo cheery. I kinda like it, yes I do. So what did I do...yep I checked it out. And come to find out...hes pretty cute if I do say so. And he has some other good songs too...check them out....Matt White.

So that's that for today. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods and you are staying some what dry and warm today!!!!

Peace out and luvs ya!!!!

Frugality

2008-08-27T15:36:00.002-05:00

Life these days seem to be just a bit of a frugality. If its not a gray moment in time, or a deep inhale of air because you have forgotten to breathe...its definately a money thing these days. If we only would know how the future would treat us...would we make the decisions that we have made and be staring in the face the hard truth of the present. I think if we had a crystal ball to see in the future...each and everyone of us would look at life a bit differently. Wouldnt you? I mean...if you could see how tomorrow would turn out..would you do today differently? If you could see how next month would turn out...would you want to change how you play out this next week?
Well unfortunately we arent blessed with balls made of crystal or a fast forward button like on a vcr. But we do have one thing...and that is faith. God wouldnt give us anything that he didnt think we could handle. We must just believe that we go through these obstacles in life to learn different lessons and appreciate new things. We must believe that with him in our lives...anything is possible.

In the past I used to be very knowledgable about being frugal. Well situations changed, time changed and I lost touch with my inner frugal being. I slowly started to get back to those roots and explore more. Heck Ive been getting the sunday paper now for about 3 months and just now sat down today and started to clip out those coupons. Ive come across some really informative websites where I can turn those little peices of paper in to something "like" gold. LOL.
I went out on my first run today and hit Walgreens. Thought I'd take baby steps and get the hang of things. Well for my first shop...I think I might have scored a bit. Lets see....this is what I got.....
I got Peter Pan PB~ $3.49-$1.82 walgreen q - $1 mf q = .67¢
Glade Oil Scents~ 2/$4.49 - bogof mf q = free
Glade oil refill~ 2 @ $1.99 each - bogof mf q = $1.99 for 2
Puffs tissues~ $1.49 - .60¢ walg q - .25¢ mf q = .64¢
Rimmel eyeshadow~ $4.79 x 2=$9.58 - walg bogof - mf q bogof = free
I also got the 5/$11 pepsi which equals out to $2.20 a pack
Oh and I got this pack of hair ties that is normally $4.99 and it was clearanced to $1.29

My receipt showed I spent with tax....$19.42 and my total savings was $32.82
So what do you think? Did I do ok for my first official frugal shop?

I must admit...it was a bit fun. The challenge of getting stuff for free. Now mind you Im not going to turn into a pack rat and collect stuff just cuz I got it free. But it will help making the lack of money seem to go a bit farther. Plus I love to take on challenges from time to time. Now if I could find an easy, no thought process idea for organizing all these coupons.

Luvs ya

Lucky Penny

2008-08-20T21:06:00.002-05:00

Tonight as the boys and I were walking to the van after a quick stop in the grocery store, I looked down and saw a tattered penny...heads up no less. So the saying popped into my head....Find a penny pick it up, all day you will have good luck. Ethan saw me pick it up and I said the saying to him. He then asked, so will you have good luck for the rest of today mom? I replied very quaintly...oh not just for the rest of today...Ive got a full 24 hours of good luck coming to me son. (hey what do expect when you pick up a penny at 8:30 at night now?!)

At this point in time, finding that tattered penny only reminded me of the trying times we have endured recently. Our whole beings as a family has really taken a beating and we are that tattered penny. We have gotten walked on, banged up, dropped and left out in the cold....but we are still there, still whole, still hanging around. I dont know if the dream of good luck will actually come around with in the next 24 hours...you know those wise tails and all, do you really believe?
But I do know that things really cant get worse if we allow them to.

As long as we continue to stay whole, stay true to ourselves, love each other like no one else can, and continue to have faith and believe in Him...all things are possible.

Like Saint Augustine quoted oh soo many years ago and to get your mind thinking...."Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."

Luvs ya......

New Beginnings

2008-08-04T08:19:00.011-05:00

It has come to that time of year again....the chance for new beginnings. The ability to let your inner self become the being you yearn for. The time for changes and time for fresh starts. That time a year when "do overs" are totally accepted. It is Back to School Time!!!!!!!!
This year is a big year....our beloved Princess is starting a new adventure....On that will make a big impact on her whole being...one that she will never ever forget.....The start of High School. 9th Grade.......

Then our sweet little man...keeps getting oh not soo little...he will still keep his same teacher that he had from last year..Mrs Versluis....but he will move on up to the next grade......4th Grade......

And our adorably cute litte poppet moves on up and starts this year off with a new teacher...Mr Achers. We only hope he succeeds as much as he did last year...he made huge improvements and now is able to move on up to 3rd grade.....

So as we turn the page in our family life and start off on a new adventure....may they succeed in all that they do and dream...may they be blessed with the profound ability to learn and excell at all they are taught.

Here are some extra photos from the shoot...the dogs wanted in on the action......

Lemonade

2008-07-23T23:07:00.003-05:00

Most people have heard of the saying...When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Some bring that motto to life and make the best of certain situations. Others look at the lemon and wonder how they can turn this little yellow sour fruit into something that tastes soo sweet and yummy....and because it seems soo far fetched they never even try. Yet if they just give it a shot...they would be surprised that they too can turn this sour taste into something soo sweet.

If one wants something so bad, one must fight for it. By fighting for it, one must believe in it. By believing in it, this allows the universe to align and make all things possible. Achieving what you believe in is never easy. In fact it can be down right scarey. If we could only fast forward to the end result, we think things could be oh so simple. But because we cant, and must go through the steps to achieve success and those steps are what teach us what we need to become a better, stronger, and more understood individual.

Every day we are given a gift of choice. We can set out and choose how we want our lives to go. We can choose to have a good day, or we can choose to have a bad day. We can choose to wear a blue shirt, or we can choose to wear a black shirt. We can choose to drive to work going one way, or we can choose to drive to work going a different way. We can choose what songs we want to listen to, and what foods we want to eat. We can choose which friends we want to listen to, and choose what we want to say to our kids. No one can make that choice for us. Only us, as individuals, can choose that for ourselves. In the end, what we believe in is what affects our choices.

Choosing to believe and believing to choose.......................any which way you look at it....as long as you have HIM in your life....all things are possible. HE would never let you down, and HE will never leave your side. You will give up on yourself, yet HE would never give up on you.

So dont think that lemons cant turn to lemonade......believe in that fruit and know that it is meant to be used to make that lemonade. What doesnt kill us, only makes us stronger. We only get to live this life once....of course there is going to be set backs and stumbling blocks....but from those allows us to learn and to strive to be better. Live your life the best way you know it, and continue to learn to make it better.

I believe in you. I believe in HIM. I believe that life will not let you down. I believe that all things are possible when you just believe.

Memories to add to the book

2008-06-05T22:45:00.006-05:00

OK its been a few days...OK weeks since I last posted. Am I grounded yet? Any who...life's been a bit busy and I just couldn't help it. I have since gone on Noah field trip and enjoyed his marvelous day of adventure and learning. This time I opted out of the wonderful offer of riding on the school bus. Noah really wanted to sit in the back seat with his awesome friends and I didn't want him to feel bad for me sitting by myself. So I relieved him of the guilt and just drove myself.

The day was just beautiful, not a cloud in the sky. The air was warm yet not to hot. The adventure started out at a glorious park filled with lots of fun and amazing metal activities. Noah, of course in all his glory, had to show me all the activities one can do there. We started out with this sort of strange hanging thing. I say strange because its like a steering wheel upside down. You can hang on it and spin and spin and spin. Interesting huh?!

On to the next station and that was very cool....a very tall metal post sticking out of the ground ever so elegantly, and it had rope on it. This rope went from the ground allllll the way to the top allowing one to take on the challenge of climbing to the top of the pole. This is where I get all weepy and teary eyed....my son, Noah, took on that challenge and bravely climbed this death defying feat. He made it to the top I tell you. Can you believe it? How awesome of him. I'm soo proud. I'm sure not many children can do what my strong and brave son did. ;)

So after he so graciously made it back down to earth...he had to show me these magical seats. I tell you my son is very lucky. He got to sit in these seats that once you sit down in them, they take you to another planet. You travel up high in the air...just like you are flying. Man am I ever so jealous. Aren't you?

When Noah came back down from his flight...you would think he would be a tad bit tired. Oh no. This is my football star son we are talking about now here!!! Him get tired????? He had to make sure that the girls all knew what a great guy he was. Or was it a great time to show off some of his huge muscles for them to oooohhh and ahhhh over. What ever he was thinking...I am sure proud. My son can carry him self with just his two hands over this deep sandy cove and get to the other side with out plummeting to his death. He is such a superman hero type boy....ahhhhh!!!!

OK so this might not of been an adventure of a life time....I know its just a lame ole park that anyone can go to at anytime....but hey you only live once and you got to make the best of it. Be creative, let you mind go...be a kid again. Where in the rule books does it say we must loose our imagination and creativity when we reach a certain age?

Back to this trip to a far off land. We enjoyed the wonderful cuisine of the royal brown bag. It was amazing and neat to sit at tables where the seat is attached. We don't have tables like that at our home. It is cool to go on trips like these...you get to see many different and unusual sites. I so wished you could of gone too....I'm sure you are quite envious aren't you?

After our cuisines were done, we waited anxiously for the next and final stop on this glorious adventure.

The next step was top secret that we weren't even allowed to take pictures. Interesting and mysterious huh? We traveled by foot down a steep hill and wandered through a parking lot and arrived in front of this gigantic building. Inside this building had a huge screen set up. We were at the IMAX. Cool! When we arrived at the doors to the theater, we were greeted by these wonderful workers that gave us these huge alien type glasses. We were to watch the movie while wearing them. Have you ever in your life heard of such an amazing concept?

We were able to see this great documentary on one of the most spectacular places that this earth has to offer. It is very old, and very long, and very deep and very pretty. We got to see Grand Canyon Adventure: River at Risk 3D. What a truly amazing story and the images were breath taking. I must adventure out west to see this in person in its full beautiful glory. I wont say much about the film...I believe you should go see it for yourself. Very educational and moving tho. Plus its narrated by the sexy Robert Redford. Yummy for an older gentleman.

Once that was over there was just enough time, if the stoplights allowed, to make it back to the school just as the final bell of the day rang. All in all it was a spectacular day, and a wonderful way to share it with my very brave and strong son!!!!!

Signing out for now...but will be back with more updates that have been taking place in my life. Amazing things ahead I tell ya!!!

That Time of Year again....

2008-05-16T22:17:00.006-05:00

And so it goes....Its that time of year again when school activities start winding down...or just go in fast forward?! I dont know but it tends to be a bit hectic. The kids are fastly approaching the final weeks of school, so what does that bring.....Yeah...Field Trips. Oh how we all look forward to the day we can all sit together on a bright yellow bus and just listen to each other sing over the lovely sounds of our fellow friends. And when you are in this bright yellow bus you see the world from a different view, and all the things you pass every day now seems soo much cooler and much more exciting. Oh the fun exciting adventures of field trips...how can one not enjoy this cozy time with 50 fellow school mates.....I know I enjoyed it tremendously.

So this year Ethan gets to go first. With him we get to go on a very educational trip. We head across the river and venture down to the swamp lands. Hmmm who would of thunk we had swamp lands here in IA/IL. Oh wait thats right...quite common when the Mississippi banks are just a tad bit full and spill over just a weeeee bit LOL.

Oh how did we all fit inside that bright yellow bus???? Oh thats right...3 to a seat, so we all could snuggle and grow closer to each other. Yes the love of friends is one of the blessings we endure.

Here we sit waiting for our directions and anticipating all the fun and exciting adventures that lay ahead of us. One can only wonder what new and exciting things we may see today that we've never seen before.

Our first adventure was a very nature filled hike that took us to a bird look out. Along the way we got to listen to the pretty music that all the different kinds of birds loved to sing to us. It was quite hip and current. Maybe they should try out for the next season of American Idol...you never know who will get through these days.

In this hike we got to see some awesome swamp stuff. Quite captivating in all its natural glory. Yet the thoughts of what it would be like once the sun went down brought on quite disturbing visions. Shudder!!!! To top it...the wonderful tour guide had this handy dandy pocket sized thingy that let you hear all the different sounds that different frogs make. Some quite charming others rather frightening...if your still invisioning what it would be like with the lights out there....ugh!!!

Once we arrived at the bird look out, the tour guide set up his handy dandy telescope for all to view through. The anticipation of what we were about to see was almost too much for some to bear.

Look up in the sky.....is it a plane or superman? No its a bird...not just any bird tho...A Pelican!!!!! Once again..who would of thunk that Pelicans would inhibit the great Midwest?! But yes indeed....we saw Pelicans. Not just this one....it had a few friends with him as well.

Once we were done oooohhhing and ahhhhing at the birds, we headed back to the next step of our adventure. Along the way we got stopped by a most frightening creature. *gasp* It was a slithering, slimmy ssssscarey gardner snake. Oh my...I almost wasnt sure I could handle much more.

Our next adventure was quite fun and amazing. We were taught about the marsh and were given these wonderful nets. Not butterfly nets...no! These nets were to scoop up mucky, muddy water to find snails, and tadpoles, and beetles and such. Yumm!!!

Right around the area we were working in and observing our finds....we got to also see what a muskrats house looks like. A bit too sheek for my liking...but hey what ever floats their boat right?!

We saw all kinds of neat things there, and found it all mesmorizing.

We finished up our adventure by learning about the water and what is safe water for the fish and wildlife to live in. What causes water to become polluted and unhealthy. It opened our eyes to what we must do to help these wonderful creatures live longer and live in beautiful enviroments.

We had a fun filled picnic lunch there and got to run around and play with all of our fellow classmates. All in all we had an awesome day filled with lots of sun, fun and laughter. With many memories we will cherish forever!!!!

My New Theme Song

2008-05-05T11:40:00.001-05:00

JEWEL - STRONGER WOMAN lyrics

I guess you could say
I'm one of those girls
that's always been with one of those guys
you know the type
like right now
he sleeps while I write

But it's better than crying
warn out from trying
from loving a man who always makes it clear
I am not welcome here
Just till he's hungry or friskey or needs something clean
you know what I mean
But not tonight
Cause come the morning light, oh

I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me

I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
never, no
Cause theres a stronger woman
a stronger woman in me

light bulbs buzz I get up
and head to my drawer
wish there was more
I could say
another fairy tale fades to grey

I've lived on hope
Just like a child
walking that mile
faking that smile
all the while
wishing my heart had wings
well from now on I am gonna be
The kind of woman I want my daughter to be

I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
Won't lose myself again
never, no
Cause there's a stronger woman, a stronger woman

this is me packing up my bags
this is me headed for the door
this is me the best you ever had

I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stonger woman in me

I'm gonna be my own best friend
stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
never, no
Cause there's a stronger woman, stronger woman
Theres a steronger woman in me
Yeah