Another down and on to Day 3

I am very Thankful for all the support and prayers that have been extended out to my marriage. It really means alot to me that we are so loved and cared for. I know God has his hand on us. I can feel it so deeply.


Last night God was definitely present in our conversation. We managed to have a very adult like and mature conversation. I really leaned hard into my Dare last night. I managed to try and not say anything negative when we were talking. I prayed for Patience and God gave it to me. I listened intently and tried to feel his emotions as he was describing them to me. He also had Patience as well when he listened to what I had to say. That was a great feeling to have, to be heard and listened to.


I can not say that it ended all in roses and balloons. He still wants it over...doesn't want it any more. He cant explain it, its just something that he is feeling deep with in. He says that hes not sure if its a mid life crisis or what. But right now he just wants to be single. He just wants it done and over. He will do everything in his power to help make sure that the boys and I are taken care of etc. He still loves me and the boys and feels real bad about this. He said its very hard on him to make this decision.


We ended the night at a complete stand still. Don't know what we will do. Don't know how we will go about handling things. But back in my mind, I know its one day at a time. That's all I can actually do at this moment. That's all the energy I have for anyways. So I guess time will tell.

Today's Dare was to once again not say anything negative and to buy a gift to show a token of appreciation. So bought him a bag of his utmost favorite candy that is very hard to find and left it in his truck for him to find in the morning. I never heard anything back about it....but I'm ok with that because this was an unconditional act of love.

I'm learning that I have done numerous acts of kindness or love always with strings attached. It really hasn't been the best feelings either. Because I am the one always putting myself up to always get taken down a few notches and discouraged. I was the one doing it to myself. Not anyone else. I try and try so hard....but I just didn't Be. Does that make sense? Well it will be a long road to recovery, but I am looking forward to just Being....being me! I'm gonna stop doing with strings attached and if I want to do something for someone...its just because and not to be expecting something in return.

So as I keep learning and leaning and believing....on to another day.

Day 1 gone Day 2 voyages on

The ending result of Day 1 was ok. He came home from work and was pleasant with all. He secluded himself to house paperwork for most of the night. He did eat dinner with the boys and I which is a positive for the day. Must remind myself to find the positive in all things, right? No major conversations were had, and he did leave for an hour to take something to a friend. I was fully aware of my mouth and my being and nothing negative came from me. So I think I passed Day 1's Dare.

Now on to Day 2......I am Dared to Not say anything negative once again today. But also show a simple act of kindness towards him. I started out the morning with a whooo hoo I can do this once again feeling. I packed him a lunch to take with him to work when he left. Really didn't expect anything from it because that was me showing an unconditional act of kindness. Low and behold he Thanked me later this morning. That was very nice to hear.

I am vowing thru with no negativity. Here's the hard part of the day....Since my boys go to their dads this evening, he is wanting to have and I quote " an unhappy chat tonight ". Oy vey....I can already feel Satan's presence looming in for the kill. I am going to keep my vow tho. He told me that this hurts him and also that he is keeping me from my happiness and its not fair to me. I see sincerity behind his icy exterior....I'm continuing on with my faith and believing that God will help guide us and protect us. For he has given us this gift of marriage and we haven't taken good care of this gift. But with Patience, Hope and Love I know he is willing to help restore our gift. I just have to believe. I know we hit rock bottom...but if we both still have love, there is still hope right?

So if anyone is reading this today....I'm asking for heartfelt prayers for this evenings talk. I need God here guiding us. Not Satan and his evil lies and grotesque behavior. I would greatly appreciate it.

Taking the Dare

What does one do when their marriage hits rock bottom? Life has been so difficult lately and it seems like Satan is attacking from every angle. I try and fight him off but he just keeps coming back for more. I know God is there with me....helping me along. But being an imperfect human sometimes I tend to try and fix things myself or just try and take over and not ask him for the help he is so willingly wanting to pass out. So for the last couple days Ive been talking with Him, asking for a sign. Asking what is going to happen? What should I do? Yesterday I felt like just giving in. Saying fine....if my husband thinks its best to call it quits then maybe that's what I should give him. I certainly don't want it, but that's not seeming to help matters at all. What do you do when it feels like, it appears in my eyes, that I am always trying.

Last night, I once again asked for a sign. This morning a thought came to me. It was doing the Love Dare. Oh Ive had this book sitting around for a couple years. Every once in awhile I would try to start it when things were kinda rocky before. But things worked its way out and I never made if far in the Dares. When I read the beginning of the book today....it said that this is a marathon and not a sprint. AND you must complete the whole process!! I guess its like taking an antibiotic every day and finishing the prescription. One wont get over being sick if you don't finish the meds. Right?? Plus....what do I have to loose at this point? In his eyes its over. But he did tell me that he still loves me......so is that a little seed of hope?? Maybe?! So what the heck I will give it a try.

Today (Day 1) starts with Patience. I am dared to not say anything mean to him. If I feel like I'm going that route then I need to shut up and walk away. So far so good...LOL... especially when he hasn't talked to me really yet today. Yesterday he stayed away allllll day until it was time for him to come home and go to bed. Wonder if that will be the case today? Time will only tell. So here is goes...a documentation on if this Love Dare will work for us. Wish I knew of someone that did this before and had amazing results...well besides the movie FireProof LOL. It would be encouraging if not the least.

Here is to Day 1!


oh and ps...the 40th day is the 13th of February....wonder what kinda Valentines day this year will be.