Friday, October 30, 2009


For a few weeks now....I have been studying the parables that Jesus has given us to help us better understand life. We are presented with the Sower, the Wise and Foolish Builders, the Persistent Widow, the Pharisee and Tax Collector, the Weeds and the Wheat, and the Mustard Seed and the Yeast. A few great stories that really make you dig deeper into your thoughts to try and better understand whom you truly are and who you can truly inspire to be.

If I had to choose one parable right now that would best suit what I am...or what I'm going through. It would be very hard. For I think that I have a few of those going on inside me right now. The parable of the Sower can describe the part of me that is going on this journey to better myself, and find the true meaning of my life. I know that I have lived the shallow heart during a period of my life. Letting my emotions and quick decisions burden the road that I should of been patient on. Often blaming myself and hating God for what I experienced. (loss of my son) I also lived with the crowded heart...taking on all the worries of my life and every ones around me. Always trying to fix what was wrong. Taking on all the blame. (mentally abusive childhood) That part of me that wanted to be in control of situations and make sure everyone is happy. Not turning it over and having the patience and understanding that He will take care of everything....including me.

There has been soo many times in my life (sons death, divorce) where I would have loved to hit the fast forward button and just skip over the hurdle that I was experiencing. Just as in the parable of the Wise and Foolish builders....I wanted to just skip all the hard stuff not knowing that it was the important work...just so I could see the end result. But if it wasn't for the lessons that were presented to me along the way...I would not be able to build the firm foundation that I need now...and for the rest of my life. By learning to be patient, leaning on God and his I know that any storm that is brought to me can be survived. No matter how difficult and strenuous it may seem. I must constantly remind myself of his faithfulness. As someone said....worry is just practical atheism. If you worry, you're acting like an unbeliever.

I like this quote by Ogilvie: "Anxiety is the result of doing our own thing, on our timing and with our resources. Freedom from anxiety comes when we desire to do what God wants, when He wants it and with whom He wants it and by His power. God's work done without God's power depletes God's people."

I have a long journey ahead of me to truly understand my purpose that He has created for me. But for this lesson, I am not even tempted to hit the fast forward button anymore. I want to study and learn, and understand all there is to know. I want to drink all that life has to offer me. For if I cant truly learn my can I teach my own children? So if I look within myself, and change what I need to change, have the faith and patience to know that He is in control. I believe that my life can and will be lived to its fullest potential....because its the life He has chosen for me. If you had to choose one...could you choose a parable that fits your life? Which one are you experiencing or have experienced?

Lamentations 3:25-26 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks him. It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

Peace and Luvs to ya!!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

32 years old, 4 children and precious time just slipping away. Oh how I wish I could help her!! Life is such a blessing! My sister is a blessing!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


So its been awhile since Ive actually sat down at the computer. Kinda needed that break for a bit. Kinda weird how our lives revolve around a little box these days. Ive decided that maybe those little thoughts that kept rolling around in my head over the past few months needed to be released and what better way than just letting them go. See I'm not to worried any more about what people think of me and what I write about because I know that not many people read my writings so I'm sure the bizarre things I write about will just end up floating in the cyber clouds.

Up until recently I have been consumed with what I need to do or what I need to say to get people to like me. Is what I am...good enough for others? I also have always dreamed about what it would be like stepping into other shoes. Seems like we always want to pick up the shoes that tell the good stories...never the ones that tell the bad. Then I can I actually find the true meaning of my OWN life if I want to live through others. I cant...It would be living a fraudulent life. Definitely not a true life for myself. But even tho I tried to fit in.....trying to post about my lovely wonderful beautiful kids.....or posting pictures etc. I just couldn't get the feel for it. Felt like a failure in comparison to those other beautiful/talented/witty/smart etc... bloggers.

Seems like I'm always trying to be like everyone else...but never just being Me. So I'm going to take this little blog space to just ramble about what thoughts go through my head on a day to day or week to week or month to month basis. (see I'm putting a disclaimer in there case I cant make it back tomorrow ) I'm going to set out to really find the true meaning of my life. I may write about how depressed I'm feeling. Or I may write about an off the wall topic. But either way I'm letting it go...and I know that will be best for me. I am the one that is usually the listener in the conversations....never seems like what I have to say matter to most people. Everyone can go on and on about what they need to. I will always listen. Never stepping on toes.

So there you have it. This little corner of cyber heaven will be occupied by me. Just me. My thoughts. My conversations. My inspirations. My ME!

Now I didn't say you had to please don't feel compelled. For I am truly not trying to burden no one. Ive found out how to do this via email and via maybe just maybe I can get to this more than once every harvest moon.

Much love and peace


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