Sunday, November 3, 2013


Starting... Where to start.... I think a lot of us get an overwhelming feeling when we decide on something but then realize.. Where do you start?? And after thinking about it get even more overwhelmed and just give up and walk away.
I am actually kinda feeling like that... But i took a moment and prayed about it and asked for God to show me where I need to start... And what came to me was... Myself.. What do I give toward myself? What do I do for myself and how do I treat myself?
I am so good at giving to others.  Treating others as I would want to be treated.  Helping,  encouraging, and loving others.... That i tend to neglect myself.
I cant remember when the last time i actually took time for myself that didn't have an agenda attached to it.   I mean.. Yes.. I go shopping and by myself clothes... But its for work.. A necessity to what I need to do on a daily basis. But I cant remember the last time I loved myself and bought something for myself where i did it just because.   I know I have bought things for people... Just because. So why don't I deserve that same treatment? Ahhh the thoughts of being selfish creep in.   Who said it was selfish?? Who is calling me selfish?   I am.  I am my own worst critic.  
I can fill my week and make it busy doing and giving to others that i cant even fit time in for something i really want to do. I feel like that is being selfish.   I place everyone elses wants,  desires,  and needs before myself.  I try to be the best mom,  daughter, friend,  etc... That i can be. I spread myself so thin that I don't have nothing left to give to myself.... And most times.. To God either.
I fill myself with busyness and duties that I overwhelm myself and end up crashing and burning.  I don't eat right and the pounds start piling on and then negative self image talk comes around.  Its a crazy cycle within myself and I don't know how to get off.  Until now... Hopefully... I need to be the mature one in my life and take control. I need to really start focusing on me and really find what makes me happy. I mean really.... I have this one chance to live this life... Why not live it being happy and fully satisfied? No one else is living this life... They are busy living their own. I cant let others control who I am and what I become.... That's just setting it up for a natural disaster. But I can lean into God.... Quiet myself daily with him.... Take that time to have a face to face conversation with Him and recharge myself.  Daily! There is nothing selfish about that.  He is my partner and love of my life.... Nothing wrong with that at all.
So the time i take to commit to others needs to be balanced with the time I commit to God and to myself. This is the first step. I have deep down known this.. But to realize it and play it out in my own life will be a new experience.. A new commitment...........

Thursday, October 31, 2013

The Nitty Gritty

Lately, I don't know....Im kinda feeling like Im being thrown around so much mentally and I dont know which way is up.  Maybe after all these years I really need to just lay all the pieces out and truly see if I know the meaning of my life.  I mean, I have done a lot of hard work and feel really really good about the progress I have made within myself.  Learning why I am the way I am and making sure I make the changes I need to.  I know I am not perfect and I will never be perfect.  Every day will be a constant lesson in my life book.  But maybe if I lay it out there...lay the pieces out there, maybe I can step back and see the big picture of my life.  What I am created to be.  I don't know...but that's been kinda tugging at me lately. 

So anyways....where do I start when I feel like I have a pile of mental paperwork piled up inside me.  I could just toss it up and throw everything out the door and just start with a blank canvas and just rewrite me.  But in all honesty...that's not gonna happen...that's not really me.  Ahhh...ha... is that a start? :-)

So I'm gonna do this... Im gonna see what God has in store for me. I'm gonna be more diligent on my writing..... Prayerfully it will happen :-)

So let's do this.. Let's pull the top paper from the pile and lay it out.... Lets see what I get........

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

With You

Job 7:19
Will you never look away from me, or let me alone even for an instant?

Sometimes we feel like we are Alone.... Forgotten, left behind... What about me?...... We wonder if God is wanting bad things to happen to us... We question Him all the time when we are faced with struggles.

We Must ALWAYS remember that He is there no matter what.... HE NEVER LEAVES US!.... At any point..... He is our most faithful and loving companion... He will never abandon us. NEVER! He guides us and directs us... He helps us and loves us... He is our biggest cheerleader. If we cant trust in Him... Who will we trust?

So allow Him to comfort you in your time of need and heartbreak... Allow Him to hold your hand and always lean on Him. Trust IN Him..... TRUST HIM!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Quit Sabotaging Your Happiness

Do you ever feel like you are trying to lead a life of goodness and do what's right but you are constantly feeling attacked. It's not like you're doing it on purpose…not at all…but there is something deep down within you that is speaking and whispering negativity?

This has been happening to me a lot lately and the word Sabotage has continually been coming up. It wasn’t till today when I realized what God was trying to inform me. About a month ago or so, he whispered, Quit sabotaging your happiness. So anytime I would start to remotely fret over something, I would remind myself not to sabotage my own happiness. But unfortunately this has been a constant battle lately. It seems like the more I dig into God's word or into His presence the more I would feel attacked. This is certainly nothing anyone else has been doing or saying to me to even make me feel this way. So why was this happening to me? Why me I would ask. Then finally when I could not handle it anymore and I cried out to Jesus to help me…to release me. I am tired of living this way. I don’t want to do it no more. Please Lord, come inside me and wipe away all that is not right within me and to fill it with all your love, grace and happiness.

That is when I heard Him speak. My daughter, do not fret, for I am here with you. I will protect you no matter what. I will always be here for you. Do you not see that when you get closer to me, when you walk with me, Satan will try anything and everything to bring you back to his way, his life? Do not listen to him, listen to me. Continue to have faith in my ways. Continue to have hope in what I have in store for you. Continue to believe what I teach you and continue to stay close to me. For there will always be light on my path. There will always be goodness in my teachings. You will never have to feel guilt, shame, doubt or any form of insecurity when you are with me. Continue to hold my hand, continue to walk with me. I love you my daughter. You are and have always been special to me. So please do not let Satan sabotage your life. He is not worthy of your time or thoughts. He will only bring you saddness and doubt. Never will I wish that upon you.

So my daughter, give me your burdens. Hand them over to me. I have plans for you and Satan knows that. So now is the time that you must surrender it ALL to me. I will take this and I will deal with this. This is not for you to carry any longer. Free yourself from these thoughts, free yourself from this weight. You are washed clean and you are made new. Do not pick this back up….ever. Trust in me…Trust IN me. Trust ME.

As I sit here now with a renewed heart, lightened shoulders and peace in my soul…all I can say is…Thank you Lord, Thank You!!! I do not need to tell Him anything else, for He knows how I am feeling and what I am thinking. When we are facing a battle and we feel like we are being sabotaged, we must not try to take on this attack by ourselves. As much as we want to put on our battle gear, take this on ourselves and come out the winner, we need to remember that all we have to do is surrender….surrender not to Satan but surrender to Jesus and He will fight the battle and He will win the war for us….each and EVERY time.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for being my protector. Thank you for going to battle for me. I'm sorry that I try to do things on my own and not ask you for your help. I know now that all you ever wanted me to do was to lean on you and let you take control. Thank you for being my guide and please continue help me stay on your path and to always feel your presence in my life. I love you Father. Thank you!!!