Day 29: Loves Motivation

Today's Dare says: Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I love you:, then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person-unconditionally, the way He love both of you.

With that being said and reading over the literature....what spoke out to me the most was how our attitudes seem to affect our motivations to love. I know that this has been present in our relationship where when one person is in a bad mood...the other tends to feed off of it and now we are both in bad attitudes. When one is in a good mood..we both seem to be in a good mood. Oh the cycle of our bad selves LOL. What Ive learnt from this and past experiences is that I don't need to take things so personally. When he comes in with a bad mood...its not all about me. I need to listen and understand. Show compassion...but when I know I didn't cause him the pain...don't take it that way. I don't need to battle back...but just love him....just as the Lord loves us unconditionally. As quoted in the book..."Love that has God as its primary focus is unlimited in the heights it can attain."

So I'm motivated to live my life for me...for what I feel, for what I know. Lean on God to help me along this path. My life does not revolve around my husband and what he feels....but I will take his feelings into consideration. I will listen and show compassion. But just cuz he is acting one way doesn't mean I need to follow suit. I am my own person. I am not him. Two great people encouraged me today and both said...to not live my life for him...live my life for me...Please God, don't worry about pleasing him. It will all fall into place with Gods hands and help.

Day 26-28

On to Day 26: Love is Responsible

I am learning about taking personal responsibility. Lots of times we are really quick to see and point out other peoples flaws and mistakes. We are sometimes are so quick to find fault especially with our spouses. Heck they are the easiest to blame because we think they should be one way or doing something that we think they should be doing. I'm guilty for this.....thinking that my views and ways are better or more correct than my husbands. And especially going through these tough times....I probably started off with its all about him...all about what he did wrong. Now I'm thinking more like...what did I do, what was my share of the downfall in this marriage. I know its not alllllll my fault. I'm learning that I need to take personal responsibility for my actions and behaviors. Love doesn't make excuses. Love keeps working to make a difference....in me and in my marriage.
This doesn't mean I am a doormat and I should surrender all to him...and make it his way or no way. Ive learnt that if there is something that's not right between me and God or me and my husband, then that should be first priority. I am learning to swallow my pride, admit my mistakes and seek for forgiveness.


Day 27: Love Encourages
Today's Dare was to eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in my home. Think of an area where my husband has told me that I'm expecting too much and tell him I'm sorry. Assure him of my unconditional love.

I know that this kinda ties in with the personal responsibility as well. Sometimes we expect soo much from someone that they can not fill or meet those expectations. Sometimes we wanna make a big deal out of it and pick a huge fight over it. When in actuality we are all human. We know men and women are created differently. We all think differently. So instead of trying for find fault all the time...take on compassion and sincerity and even tho they didn't do it right, encourage them for at least trying. By encouraging them for the things they are doing, will only help our relationships grow and become better. It allows others to feel safe with us. I love this line in the book......."You must realize that marriage is a relationship to be enjoyed and savored along the way. Its a unique friendship designed by God Himself where two people live together in flawed imperfections but deal with it by encouraging each other, not discouraging them."

Great lesson to take in and absorb.

Day 28: Love makes Sacrifices
Ill make this lesson short and sweet. This is about what can we do to help our spouse. Its taking an interest in their wants and needs and acting on them without being asked. Its making them a priority in our lives. We would want the same in return right? Someones gotta make the first move.

Another line I liked from the book said " Even when your mates stress comes out in words of personal accusation, love shows compassion rather than becoming defensive. Love inspires you to say "no" to what you want, in order to say "yes" to what your spouse needs." That's the key...what they Need. To truly love we must make sacrifices to make sure our spouses needs are given with our very best effort.

I am trying my best to put all these lessons in to effect in my daily life. To really learn what Love is all about. I can feel myself changing inside and learning to be a better me. Believe me I still have my set backs from time to time....but with prayer and Gods hand on my shoulder I make it thru. Positive thinking and a changed attitude helps alot. As for anything on his behalf......I don't know. He hasn't talked any more about a divorce. He hasn't talked anymore about what is the next step to ending it. He has been nicer. He has actually called me Hon....and has smiled at me. He has been saying Thank you for alot more things that I have done. I could tell you the discouraging things that he has done...but then I wouldn't be putting my lessons into practice. LOL ;) But with prayer it helps me get thru those discouraging times. I am learning that God is not doing this to me...He is doing this for me. So when I get discouraged or down....I try to remember that there is a good reason that this situation is going on. Now that fix it part of me really wants to come out....but that was the other Stefani. This Stefani knows that I cant fix this. I can fix myself. I can lean on my Heavenly Father and he will provide an amazing life for me. For in the end....we can only be held accountable for ourselves in front of God. So whatever discouraging things my husband may do....I turn it over to God and tell Him....Ok, do you see this....now you can take care of it!!! LOL

Day 24-25

So I am not good on my daily updates now am I? I guess we do live in this crazy place called life and there are things that do consume our time. But just know, that God is really consuming my time these days...and oh the little bit of the new season of American Idol....LOL! Seems like Ive been taking a college course and He has been my teacher. Giving me daily homework assignments and lots and lots to think about. I definitely know that this is what I need to be doing now. Ive really made alot of self discoveries lately and even tho its been heart warming, its been kinda jarring as well. We don't really like to see the bad stuff in ourselves now do we?

So I had last left off that I was about to do Day 24 which was Love vs. Lust....It is all about learning that God truly does provide all that we need, and because we are only human we tend to get caught up in those worldly possessions and go on a roller coaster of wants and desires. We sometimes get fixated on all those things that we think will make us happy...and in turn do they really? When if we just have faith and believe that God will provide all our happiness for us we might not ever need to feel like keeping up with the Jones' or be entangled in debt. Sometimes lust comes in forms of possessions or power or prideful ambition.....right along with what you would typically think of lust as.....that lustful eye persay.

By taking on this lesson, Ive learnt that I am so grateful for what God has already provided for me in my life. Its really made me take a step back on why I buy certain things and and crave certain things. I certainly have always been aware of the demon of the lustful eye. I have never craved or even thought about that in my marriage. I love my husband way to much to even fathom those thoughts. My Dare was to Identify every object of lust in my life and remove it. Single out every lie Ive swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Replace all that with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

Day 25: Love Forgives
This lesson was whatever I haven't forgiven in my husband, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping my and my husband in a prison too long. This has been easy yet hard. When we dwell on what the other has done to us...we tend to get angry and frustrated. It may change our whole attitude in a matter of minutes if we continue to think about it. Does Jesus do that to us? Does he dwell on it, does he treat us badly? Does he give us an attitude? No! No matter how badly we treat him and take for granted what he has given us....He ALWAYS forgives us...no matter what...and continues to love us soo much! Learning about the true meaning of love has been so eye opening and heart warming. If I want to live a much more fulfilled life...I really need to take these lessons to heart and act on them each and every day! That's my ultimate goal right? To have a more loving and confident and peaceful life. Yes it is.