So Ive been a bit scatter brained and havent updated the blog for days 31-40....for that I apologize. Life has just been a bit rough and slow. What Ive learnt is that Life is Hard. I think we all know that, just we dont verbalize it very often. Its hard. Its Hard. Its Very Hard. Some times when nothing is going on we often find ourselves that much more confused and lost. Its like we need to be in constant motion to get to something but when its not we are often lost. I think Im to a point where I am just numb. So let me break down in short cliff notes the dare days.
Day 31: Love and marriage
Basically reassure your spouse that you make your marriage a top priority. That even tho your going through hard times...that you wont give up. That you wont leave. That this is whats important to you.
Day 32: Love meets sexual needs
If at all possible try and initiate sex. Yeah that was a tough one. Nothing like the feeling of being shot down.
Day 33: Love completes each other
Basically allow your spouse to be a integral part to your future success. Include them in upcoming decisions. Yeah I did....and he never gave an answer...another day of being shot down.
Day 34: Love celebrates Godliness
Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way..then tell them about it. Hmmm...that was a very hard one to do since I feel that he hasnt been acting in that manner...but who am I to judge. I complimented him on something...but cant remember now.
Day 35: Love is accountable
Find a marriage mentor and even if your spouse wont go and talk with them...make sure you do it for yourself. Which I have a email in to talk to my pastors wife...she is out of town till this week so hopefully I can get in to talk with her soon.
Day 36: Love is Gods word
Commit to reading the Bible every day. Im trying, its hard sometimes...but its just like a habit...you gotta practice at it and make it happen. I do know tho that putting the food of the Lord in me will only make me stronger.
Day 37: Love agrees in Prayer
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together...if they wont then make sure you do it on your own. Hes not at that place....I continue everyday.
Day 38: Love fullfills dreams
Ask yourself what your spouse would want if it was obtainable. Commit to praying about it and start mapping out a plan for meeting some if not all of their desires. Ive tried on one thing and gave him something to think about.
Day 39: Love endures
Pray and then write a letter of commitment to your spouse about why you are committing to this marriage till death and that you have purposed to love them till death. I wrote a letter....I got a thank you.
Day 40: Love is a covenant
Write out a renewal of vows and place them in your home. If at all possible formally renew your vows before a minister and with family present. At this point it takes two to do that. I can hold up my end...but cant hold up his end.
The book ends at day 40....Im at day 43. I didnt get a Happy anything...words...nothing..said to me yesterday on Valentines day. Im a bit hurt by the fact that I cant even be treated like a regular human being. Today I have been short and quiet with him....yet now that is making him want to talk to me more...but I dont have the oh happiness to talk with him at this moment....maybe thats why he keeps bugging me.
Im sorry that this isnt an upbeat blog. Just one of those days. Very depressed.
Gotta run to an apptment...will update later
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
To 40 and beyond
Written by Stefani at 9:13 AM
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Stefani-I'm sorry things are so hard right now and that you are feeling so down. I just reviewed a book on my blog called Love and Respect that stated that what men need most is respect and what women need most is love. The key is that each of these must be unconditional. He suggests that if this is not happening in a relationship, the more spiritually mature partner can commit to giving the other what they need knowing that at least at first they may not get what they need back. That's what makes it unconditional.
So maybe you could commit to showing unconditional respect even if you have a hard time feeling he deserves it. And as the author of the book suggests, perhaps you can write him a note letting him know why you respect(not love) him.
I know you have commited your marriage to God and am so proud of you for all the work you have done. If you'd like to read the book, I'd be happy to send it your way. If not, no problem. Keep seeking God and he'll show you each step to take. Much love and many prayers.
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