Another down and on to Day 3

I am very Thankful for all the support and prayers that have been extended out to my marriage. It really means alot to me that we are so loved and cared for. I know God has his hand on us. I can feel it so deeply.


Last night God was definitely present in our conversation. We managed to have a very adult like and mature conversation. I really leaned hard into my Dare last night. I managed to try and not say anything negative when we were talking. I prayed for Patience and God gave it to me. I listened intently and tried to feel his emotions as he was describing them to me. He also had Patience as well when he listened to what I had to say. That was a great feeling to have, to be heard and listened to.


I can not say that it ended all in roses and balloons. He still wants it over...doesn't want it any more. He cant explain it, its just something that he is feeling deep with in. He says that hes not sure if its a mid life crisis or what. But right now he just wants to be single. He just wants it done and over. He will do everything in his power to help make sure that the boys and I are taken care of etc. He still loves me and the boys and feels real bad about this. He said its very hard on him to make this decision.


We ended the night at a complete stand still. Don't know what we will do. Don't know how we will go about handling things. But back in my mind, I know its one day at a time. That's all I can actually do at this moment. That's all the energy I have for anyways. So I guess time will tell.

Today's Dare was to once again not say anything negative and to buy a gift to show a token of appreciation. So bought him a bag of his utmost favorite candy that is very hard to find and left it in his truck for him to find in the morning. I never heard anything back about it....but I'm ok with that because this was an unconditional act of love.

I'm learning that I have done numerous acts of kindness or love always with strings attached. It really hasn't been the best feelings either. Because I am the one always putting myself up to always get taken down a few notches and discouraged. I was the one doing it to myself. Not anyone else. I try and try so hard....but I just didn't Be. Does that make sense? Well it will be a long road to recovery, but I am looking forward to just Being....being me! I'm gonna stop doing with strings attached and if I want to do something for someone...its just because and not to be expecting something in return.

So as I keep learning and leaning and believing....on to another day.