Day 10 Love is Unconditional

So today started out having a pity party for me. I had a quick set back with the tears and the why Me's? Life just felt so overwhelming and unbearable. But after taking a couple hours to just cry it out and let it out. God picked up my hand and comforted me and talked me through it. Stupid Satan was trying his best to get his grips on me when I least expected it. If you let your guard down for just one second he can swoop in there and try and tempt you with ugly, crazy thoughts. Which I know are not true. Which I know are just lies!!!! So I picked up my big girl pants and am moving on. I will not let him get to me the rest of the day.

Today's lesson on unconditional love couldn't come at a better moment. After last nights talk...I thought for a fleeting second that there could be hope on the horizon. That maybe his walls were starting to come down. But to be woken this morning to be told that he still feels nothing and still wants it over, really hit me in the face. As I stood in the shower and tried to wash away the morning battle with Satan...God spoke to me. God told me that what my husband is going through is not about me. He has issues much deeper than whats been laid out on the surface, and I can not fix it for him. This is about him and he is and will be the only one that will be able to work thru what he needs to work thru. I need to let go and let God work with him. I can and will still be there for him when hes ready. I can continue to work on myself and my marriage thru doing these Love Dares. Because the most important thing that I am learning from all this....is what I need to learn about me. To make me the best Me I can possibly be......and not for anyone else.

I will continue to pray for my husband. I pray that he can find that missing piece deep down within himself that he is so lost at trying to find. I pray that he will turn to God and lean on him during his time of sorrow and dispare. For I love my husband so deeply that words can not explain. I do know that loving someone so much can not fix everything. I do know that we all are not perfect....for we are merely human.

Taking this time and learning Gods unconditional love that he has for me will give me the opportunity to see his love grow inside me. For once I can truly comprehend his deep unconditional love and totally receive it, then I can in turn share it. How great would it be to have that whole feeling of being loved with no strings attached. Ive searched for it all my life, yet I seemed to by pass the one being that was always there, always willing to give it to me. I just needed to look up.

Today's Dare is to do something out of the ordinary for your spouse-something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage. Examples were wash the car, clean the kitchen, buy his favorite dessert, fold the laundry......well I do those most of the time so I went a totally different off the wall approach....call me silly, but hey....it still means I care. I went and bought the best windshield wipers the store sold. I noticed that when driving his truck that his didn't do a very good job, and don't let there be ice/snow on them...oy vey!! I know its something that he would eventually fix...maybe come spring after he got so tired of it or he just so happened to see them at the store and be reminded of them. I would of normally gone the middle of the road price range because..hey they are just wiper blades LOL. But as I was standing there, I thought how much he deserves to have the best. So I didn't think twice and I just picked up the top of the line. I went to where he parks during the day and just dropped them off in his truck.

Learning to love unconditionally seems like an easy task....but the more you think about things....how often do we really love like that. I know it comes easily to me with my boys. Must be because I birthed them. That pain that we felt when we delivered them and just how quickly it fades away. That's the same for when they do something wrong...our quick get over it and carry on is just the same. But why is it totally different to react and try and get over what others do. God has no problem doing that. He is always loving and forgiving us.